Jesus Christ

Jesus: “Silencing Transgender People Isn’t Christian, It’s Cunty”

"I specifically told people to stop being judgmental little twatwaffles to everyone." In Montana, elected Republicans have effectively thrown transgender Democrat Zoey Zephyr out of the seat her constituents elected her to fill. While her critics say Zephyr was booted...

Jesus Thinks “Creepy Weirdo” Matt Walsh Should Focus on Own His Junk

Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Daily Caller commentator Matt Walsh's work. In a blog article posted to Jesus' website today, the Son of God blasted Walsh and his boss Ben Shapiro as "perverted whack jobs" who...

Jesus Christ Wonders How Many Poor People You Can Feed for Two Super Bowl Ads

Today, Jesus Hubert Christ held his weekly heavenly press conference. One reporter asked the Son of God about a pair of Super Bowl commercials run by a Christian mega-church. Jesus was not impressed, to say the least. "From what I...

Jesus Really Loved Sam Smith’s and Kim Petras’ Grammy Performance

Many conservative commentators have been apoplectic about singers Sam Smith and Kim Petras appearance at this past weekend's Grammy Awards. Smith and Petras performed their song "Unholy," taking part in a fictional, dramatized Satanic ritual as they sang the...

Jesus Can’t Figure Out Why American Christians Want to Starve Children They Force Into Life

Speaking to reporters at his weekly press conference, Jesus Hubert Christ was asked for his opinions on a leaked Supreme Court opinion indicating the conservative majority is poised to overturn Roe Vs Wade. Christ reiterated that he, as a general...

Jesus Warns His Trans Little Children to ‘Stay the Fuck Away’ From the Bible Belt

https://youtu.be/MpaK48NMrTU KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, son of Larry "God" Schumway, and Vice President of Holy Trinity, Inc., held an urgent press conference this morning. Christ urged any and all parents of transgender children living in the...

Matt Walsh is Thinking Very Deeply About Your Genitals. Just Like Jesus.

This week, Daily Caller columnist and podcaster Matt Walsh -- a devout evangelical Christian conservative -- appeared on The Dr. Phil Show and got into a heated exchange with transgender rights activists, including two transgender women. Walsh repeatedly asserted that the women...

Jesus Christ Doesn’t ‘Have Any Fucks to Give’ About the Fox News Christmas Tree

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This week, Conservative America has been highly focused on what is being described in certain circles as the most egregious attacks in the left's long-running war on Christmas in quite some time, if not...

Mike Lindell: Trump Will Be Back in Power and ‘Make Jesus White Again’ by Christmas

Mike Lindell, CEO of MyPillow and its subsidiary, MyCrackPipe, can be accused of a whole host of things, but one thing no one can reasonably accuse him of is disloyalty to former President Don J. Trump. Despite being sued...

Jesus Now Requires a Vaccine Passport to Enter Heaven

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- If you're going to die soon, and if when you do you expect to wind up in Heaven, you better bring your vaccination records with you. At a press conference held from outside the bounds...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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