Ivanka Trump

Ted Cruz Says He’ll Stand Under the Mistletoe With Trump If Ivanka Won’t

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During a weekly press conference held by Senate Republicans, Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) was asked for his thoughts on whether former, one term, twice permanently impeached President Don Trump should run for his party's nomination again...

Ivanka Confirms No Change in Her Dad’s Balls Since Getting COVID-19 Vaccine

NEPOTISM LAKE, FLORIDUH -- It's probably the most frequently asked question at every American dinner table this week: Will getting a COVID-19 vaccine shot have an effect on your testicles? Assuming one has them, the issue of whether or not...

Ivanka’s Never Been So Sure Her Dad’s Not Batman

"My first clue was that unlike Bruce Wayne, Daddy's a billionaire who doesn't care about anyone but himself. But then, yeah, the eating pussy thing." When you grow up with an allegedly wealthy father, who is supposed to be a...

Poll: 53% of Republicans Believe Ivanka Trump Is Actual First Lady

The results of a recently published Reuters/Ipsos poll could possibly provide insight as to how far politicians seeking to mint themselves as "bipartisan" would have to reach across the aisle to please the other party's voters. According to the...

Trump Tells Bongino He’s ‘Almost as Good as Rush and Ivanka’ at Sucking Him Off

Today, disgraced former Secret Service agent and multiple-failed congressional candidate Dan Bongino took over for Rush Limbaugh, who has still yet to buy his way out of his death from stage four lung cancer a few months ago. For...

Amazon Delivered Crates of Crayons to Mar-A-Lago for Trump to Write Memoir

FAR-TA-LAGO, FLORIDA -- Sources close to the situation in Florida are telling us that this past weekend, several dozen crates of crayons were delivered to former President Donald Trump's luxury resort, in preparation of his attempt to write a...

Nervous Ivanka Asks President Daddy If She’d Get Secret Service Protection in Jail

Did Ivanka Trump illegally steer money earmarked for her dad's presidential inauguration into Trump Organization's coffers? That's why she gave testimony in a deposition this week, at any rate. Ms. Trump divulged at least that much herself, in a...

Housekeeping Unsure How Long It Will Take to Fumigate Stench of Stupid from White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Perhaps its current occupant is still unwilling to face facts, but the simple truth is that on January 20th, 2021, a new couple will move into the White House. Reportedly, the cleaning staff at the president's...

Ivanka: “America Needs the Leadership of Small Hands and Even Smaller Genitals”

OLD BALLS, FLORIDA -- Addressing a rally for her father, held in a small city just a few miles south of Orlando, First Lady Ivanka Trump implored voters to "think about the kinds of hands behind the wheel" of...

Ivanka: “How Come Debates Are the Only Things Daddy Can Pull Out Of?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Actual First Lady was, according to several sources close to the situation this afternoon, very confused. Word had just gotten to Ivanka Trump that her father had decided to not participate in the next scheduled...
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Mark Meadows Signals Intent to Plead the Filth Before January 6th Committee

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, through his attorney, has made the House Select Committee investigating the...
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