ICE

Study Confirms Stephen Miller is an Ugly, Racist, Balding Cunt

A new study from the National Institute of Studying Really Obvious Stuff (NISROS), published today in the New American Journal of Published Studies claims to prove "beyond any reasonable doubt or suspicion to the contrary," that White House Senior...

5 Reasons Trump’s Undocumented Workers Are Safe from ICE Raids

Recently, in Mississippi, officers and agents from Immigration and Customs Enforcement -- or, ICE, as they're more colloquially known -- raided a food processing plant and arrested almost 700 people suspected of being in the country without documentation. Similar...

ICE Agent Enjoys Tour of Auschwitz a Little TOO Much

CAMISA MARRÓN, TEXAS -- Recently, Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent Michael Sherman had the chance to take a vacation, and he chose to visit Europe with his wife and two kids, both of whom are currently in high school....

For Some Unknown Reason, This Canadian Immigrant Hasn’t Felt Threatened by Any of Trump’s Rhetoric

RIO DE LA GUEROS, CALIFORNIA -- Technically, 35 year old Susan Reedy is an illegal immigrant, residing in a sleepy, coastal California town. Susan came here about 17 years ago as a student, and she overstayed her visa. She's...

ICE to Update Agents’ Badges, Uniforms, and Hoods

WASHINGTON, D.C.-- The Department of Homeland Security has announced that later this year, Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers will be wearing newly designed uniforms that will feature updated badges and one brand new element -- a white satin hood. "ICE...

Trump Orders New ‘Specialized’ ICE Squad For Hispanic Arrests and Deportations

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump signed an executive order on Air Force One directing the Immigration and Customs Enforcement department to establish a new squad of agents specifically tasked with arresting "Mexican or Mexican-ish, even Mexciany individuals" suspected...

5 Year Old Guatemalan Girl Pretty Adorable In Her Wee Cage Inside Her Sweet Little Concentration Camp

RIO DE VERGONZOSO, TEXAS -- She's frightened, terrified, even. She's lonely most of the time, and she's convinced at this point she may never see her parents again. But even five year old Consuela Mayor has to admit that...

DeVos Supports ICE Raids Because Her Drink Is Getting Warm

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Education Secretary Betsy DeVos told reporters today that she "completely and totally supports" a reportedly upcoming raid on ten American cities designed to round up and arrest undocumented migrants because her drink has gone warm. The upcoming...

8 Year Old Honduran Girl Knew What To Expect In Concentration Camp From Yelp Review of Trump Hotel

RIO ESTUPIDO, TEXAS -- An eight year old girl from Honduras who was temporarily detained separately from her parents by ICE told news outlets this morning that she wasn't at all surprised by the conditions of her concentration camp...

Planned Parenthood Announces New Partnership With ICE

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Planned Parenthood has announced a new partnership with Immigration and Customs Enforcement that they say will allow them to perform a lot more abortions each year. "As we were watching news reports of ICE agents...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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