Humor

Man Wants to Make Some Friends Because He’s Sure They’ll Love His “Two Genders” Memes

As soon as he makes a few friends, 43-year-old writer Will Palumbo knows they'll all love his memes. In particular, Will is completely confident his new friends -- as soon as he makes them and connects with the on...

The Actual Jesus Christ Wrote This Letter to Kayleigh McEnany and Asked Us to Publish It For Him

The following was received by this outlet late last night. After contacting the offices of Holy Trinity, Inc. and confirming its provenance, we have decided to publish this letter, from the Actual Jesus, in its entirety. Dear Kayleigh McEnany, Hi! It's...

Can America Ever Return to a Simpler Time With Less White Nationalist Violence and More Demon Semen?

In Kenosha, Wisconsin and Portland, Oregon last week, Americans watched in horror as two separate incidents of extreme, politically-motivated violence took place. In Wisconsin, a 17-year old white nationalist vigilante killed two and seriously wounded another with his AR-15...

Robertson: “If Jesus Died For Your Sins, The Least You Can Do Is Die For Trump’s Economy!”

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson hasn't done much to hide his support for President Donald Trump. Though Christ's teachings were for his disciples to "pay Caesar what is due Caesar and pay God what is due God,"...

Louie Gohmert Dragged Away By Masked Millennials After Saying “Antifa” 3 Times Into Bathroom Mirror

VALLE DE MORMÓN RACISTACALVO, TEXAS -- According to those with firsthand knowledge of the situation, authorities are still desperately searching for a congressman who apparently was kidnapped by a gang of masked millennials identifying as members of a local...

Hasbro Releasing “Trumpnopoly” Board Game Where Winning Players File Bankruptcy and Duck Income Tax

PAWTUCKET, RHODE ISLAND -- During a quarterly conference call with investors, Hasbro -- the toy and game company that currently owns the rights to the "Monopoly" franchise -- announced that a new version of its real estate acquisition board...

Poll: Majority of Americans Wish Trump’s Mom Had Been Pro-Choice

As the election draws closer, there's little doubt that President Donald Trump believes he's reliant in large part on the votes of conservative evangelical Christians. Despite being a thrice-married man with a long, public history of tawdry sexual affairs...

Trump Threatens To Withhold Funding From Any State That Lets Democrats Vote

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Elections in this country are run and officiated by state governments, not the federal government. That fact, however, may not be something that President Donald Trump considers important enough to believe in, at least based on...

Despite Lack of Rent, Obama Looking for ‘Less Racist and Stupid’ Place to Live

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former President Barack Obama announced today that he and his family are looking for a new space to call home, despite not being required to pay a single dollar in rent at their current location. Obama...

Treasury Orders Trump’s Mushroom Stamp on Coronavirus Stimulus Checks

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. Treasury Department issued an order late last night that some say could have an impact on when some Americans receive their coronavirus stimulus aid. In a brief signing statement, Treasure Secretary and B-team Bond...
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Experts Agree: Four Out of Five MAGAS Can’t Make Their Cousins Climax

Fascinating new data from the National Institute of Boner and Contraboner Research might be quite devastating for residents of...
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