Heidi Cruz

Heidi Cruz Asks Trump For Ted’s Balls Back So He Can Suntan Them

Fox News host, and White Nationalist Magazine's "Nazi Cuntwhistle of the Year" for fifteen consecutive years, Tucker Carlson, recently had a guest on his show who gave some rather head-turning advice to men who have lower amounts of testosterone: They...

Judge Jackson Regrets Not Pre-Insulting Heidi Cruz’s Looks

Now that her confirmation hearings have come to a close, sources say that Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson is feeling pretty good about her chances of ascending to the Supreme Court. Ms. Jackson was nominated by President Joe Biden to...

Cruz: “Does Joe Biden Really Plan to Go Four Years Not Rage Tweeting About Cable News Ratings?”

https://youtu.be/G8vShObw0t4 An angry Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) took to the Senate floor today and blasted President Joe Biden. The idea that Cruz would criticize the president publicly is likely not shocking to many; he's a Republican and Biden is a...

8 Things Ted Cruz Has Defended More Rigorously Than His Own Wife

There are few men who are considered braver, or even as brave, as Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-TX). Perhaps nobody knows the heights to which Ted's chivalry and courage soars more than his wife, Heidi. Ted is such a valiant, ever-ready...

Cruz: “Why Is Joe Biden So Afraid to Call My Wife Ugly?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) blasted President Joe Biden today, accusing him of being "completely and utterly terrified to be half as strong and brave as his predecessor." At the heart of the matter -- Biden's refusal,...

Dear President Joe: When Are You Going to Insult My Wife’s Looks, Sir?

"I'm waiting. Heidi's ugly ass is waiting. The nation's waiting."

Ted Cruz’s Ugly Wife Confirms Gender Neutral Potato Head and Her Husband Will Still Have Same Size Balls

Heidi Cruz, the ugly as sin wife of Sen. Ted Cruz, confirmed for reporters today that after Hasbro makes the iconic "Mr. Potato Head" toy gender-neutral, it will still have the same exact size balls as her husband. "Very honestly,"...

For the Sake of Bipartisanship, Biden Offers to Call Cruz’s Wife Ugly

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden ran on a message of uniting the country. After eight years of President Barack Obama's administration, the Republican Party leveraged the Electoral College and put the least popularly elected president with the lowest...

Cruz: “An Impeachment Conviction After He’s Left Office Won’t Make My Wife Any Less Ugly”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Before he left office, the former President of the United States of America -- a former reality-TV game show host and strong proponent of father/daughter sexual relations -- was impeached for the second time in four...

Cruz Says He and His Ugly Wife Are Appalled By Pro-Trump Violent Mob He Incited

WASHINGTON, D.C.  -- Just days before the violent pro-Trump mob ransacked the capitol building, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Trump's Taint) was riling up angry Republicans who believe that the election was stolen from them because all the votes ended up...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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