Jesus Now Requires a Vaccine Passport to Enter Heaven

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- If you're going to die soon, and if when you do you expect to wind up in Heaven, you better bring your vaccination records with you. At a press conference held from outside the bounds...

God Cancels Rush Limbaugh

PALM BEACH, FLORIDA -- In breaking news, we have learned that conservatives across the United States have disavowed “God” after He cancelled Rush Limbaugh. A statement, released by God’s assistant Jermaine, reads in part “…there just comes a time where you...

Americans Flood Heaven’s Switchboards Asking If Trump Can Take George HW Bush’s Spot

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Larry "God" Schumway and his son, Jesus Hubert Christ held a holy press conference today from the corporate headquarters of their afterlife timeshare program, telling reporters that all of Trinity, Inc.'s prayer hotlines are...

Jesus Christ Reads Transcript of Trump’s NRA Speech to Children of Sandy Hook Massacre

While President Trump gave his speech to the NRA, Jesus "Hubert" Christ translated and read it to the young victims of the Sandy Hook Massacre.

God to Michele Bachmann: Shut your stupid fuckin’ mouth

God has had enough of Michele Bachmann speaking for him.

J. Hubert Christ: Heaven’s Email System Downed By Flood of Prayers for Bernie Sanders Victory

Jesus Christ says all the prayers about Bernie Sanders' campaign have broken his company's electronic prayer request system.
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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