Harry Potter

Local Witch Casts “ShutTheFuckUpicus Totallus” Curse on JK Rowling

GODRIC'S HOLLOW, LONDON, UK, THE WIZARDING WORLD -- While it's unclear at this time if it will have any effect whatsoever, a local witch announced today that she undertook an endeavor to cast a curse on Harry Potter author JK Rowling. MORE:...

Trans Woman Unsure If JK Rowling Wants Her to Identify With Voldemort or Harry Now

CHERRY FALLS, RHODE ISLAND -- Sheila Williams loves Harry Potter, and she loves the books in which he was created. Up until just a few months ago, Sheila loved author J.K. Rowling -- the mind who created Potter and...

Cornelius Fudge Says Coronavirus Seems Well Contained and Magical Economy Can Re-Open ‘Immediately’

ENGLAND, THE WIZARD WORLD -- Former Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge gave an interview to The Daily Prophet this week that is garnering quite a bit of attention among wizards and witches. In the interview, Fudge -- who infamously denied the...

Man Blames Violent RPGs For Inspiring Him To Attack School Full Of Young Wizards

LONDON, ENGLAND -- Authorities with the Ministry of Magic are confirming at this hour that a man has been apprehended while attempting to attack a school of young wizards. "At approximately half-past two this afternoon, Mr. Tom Marvolo Riddle, alias...

William Barr Writes 4 Page Letter Summarizing Harry Potter Novels and Exonerating Voldemort

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Attorney General William Barr has only been back at the Department of Justice for a couple of weeks, but has already made a reputation for himself as someone who loves to write summaries. "His Mueller Report summary...

J.K. Rowling Says You Didn’t Actually Read Harry Potter Novels

LONDONSHERRY DOWNTONSHIRE, ENGLAND -- Author J.K. Rowling has quite a close, intimate relationship with the characters that inhabit the universe of Harry Potter. This makes sense, considering Rowling is the woman who invented Potter and his friends, and the...

Steve Bannon Asks Trump If He Can Keep His Monogrammed Presidential Bath Towels

Having been removed from the National Security Council, Steve Bannon is on unsure footing with his co-president, Donald Trump.

5 Things You’ll Find in the American Hogwarts

Author J.K. Rowling made headlines recently by confirming that in her mind, there is most definitely an American version of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the fictional school at the center of the "Harry Potter" novels she...

Trey Gowdy Disappointed Chanting ‘Benghazi’ Three Times Doesn’t Make Hillary Clinton Appear

Trey Gowdy took time away from his Hogwarts class reunion to talk about his Benghazi probe.
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I Live in Arkansas. Can My 10 Year Old Work as a Bouncer at a Drag Bar?

I moved to Arkansas before I was a father, so I can't say that I'd even be thinking about...
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