Gym Jordan

Jordan and Gaetz Say Trump Won Because They ‘Wouldn’t Blow Just Any Old Loser’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The results of last month's presidential haven't really been in much doubt since just a couple of days after votes started to be counted. Because some states were forbidden by laws enacted by Republican officials, mail-in votes...

Ron Perlman Offers to Cast Ted Cruz In “Go To Hell, Boy”

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- Actor Ron Perlman has reportedly reached out to a Republican senator and offered him a part in an upcoming movie. It's unclear at this time whether Perlman's offer to to cast Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Trump's Rectal...

Jordan, Gohmert, Collins Smugly Confident They’ve Convinced America to Impeach Hunter Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- "We did it, guys. We really fuckin' did it," Congressman Matt Gaetz told reporters, turning to give his fellow House Judiciary Republicans, Reps. Louie Gohmert and Doug Collins a high-five as he finished. "There's no way...

Jordan Wants Hunter Biden to Testify About Hillary’s Benghazi Connection to Trump’s Ukraine Call

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Trump's Rectum) called on his fellow Republicans in the Senate to demand former Vice President Joe Biden's son Hunter testify in an impeachment trial, should the House pass articles of impeachment against...

A Complete List of Offenses in House Impeachment Report GOP Would Forgive if Obama or Hillary Did Them

The House Intelligence Committee has released its highly-anticipated report, following weeks of public and closed-door hearings and testimony. The report makes the case that President Donald J. Trump abused his power in leveraging military aid and a White House...

Devin Nunes and Jim Jordan Unsure Whose Turn It Is To Publicly Fluff Trump’s Nads

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The second day of open impeachment hearings in the House Intelligence committee saw two Republican congressmen caught up in a moment of confusion that, at the time of publication, is still ongoing. Congressman Devin Nunes (R-CA), the...

Jim Jordan: “President Trump’s The Kind of Sexual Predator I Have a Duty and Instinct to Protect At All Costs”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, Congressman Jim Jordan told a conservative talk radio host his morning that he will continue to protect President Donald Trump during the impeachment proceedings against him in the House of Representatives "as long as...

Matt Gaetz Blows .18 on Breathalyzer After Barging Into Closed Door Impeachment Hearing

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Shortly after he and several other Congressional Republicans broke into a closed door impeachment hearing, Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) was administered a breathalyzer and reportedly the results revealed a blood-alcohol content of .18. In most states,...
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I Live in Arkansas. Can My 10 Year Old Work as a Bouncer at a Drag Bar?

I moved to Arkansas before I was a father, so I can't say that I'd even be thinking about...
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