Gwyneth Paltrow

Trump Campaign Sells Out $500 Candles That Smell Like President’s Butthole

WASHINGTON, D.C.  -- The Trump 2020 Re-Election campaign announced this weekend that they have completely sold out of a special candle that was offered on the campaign website to donors who gave $500 or more.  The candle, made of...

Gwyneth Paltrow and David Avocado Wolfe Appointed to Coronavirus Response Team

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though his administration is telling Americans that the coronavirus has been "contained" in the United States, President Donald Trump is still hiring trained professional medical experts for the coronavirus response team led by Vice President High...

Trump Urges Ivanka “Get Into the Scented Candle Thing” Too

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Never someone to pass up a good marketing tie-in, President Donald Trump has reportedly reached out to his favorite daughter and asked her to consider releasing a new scented candle. The revenues from sales would then...
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Musk Unsure Whether to Skip Child Support or Twitter Loan Payment This Month

Recently, billionaire hair plug recipient Elon Musk revealed that he believes Twitter has lost about half its value since...
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