government shutdown

White House Requests Celebratory McNugget Dipping Sauce Lists from Rams and Patriots

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Trump administration sent a letter addressed to both the Los Angeles Rams and the New England Cheatriots, ahead of Super Bowl LII, from Mercedez-Benz Stadium in Atlanta. "Because it is literally impossible for us to know...

Trump Asks Legal Team if Sitting Presidents Can Be Indicted or Impeached During Shutdown

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has directed his sizable legal team to research and determine if a sitting president can be either indicted or impeached during a shutdown of the federal government. "The president is simply wondering if he's...

Don Jr. Explains Why ‘Walls Work’ and Why 6 Six Trillion Illegal Mexicans Come Over Ours Every Second

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The president's third smartest son and least intelligent progeny overall told a right-wing radio host in the Bible belt this morning he doesn't understand why congressional  Democrats are fighting his dad's border wall so...

Freshman Democrat Offers Trump Thoughts and Prayers Instead of a Wall

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- One of the numerous new Democratic members of the House of Representatives has floated an idea that he thinks may break the stalemate that's keeping the U.S. government largely shut down for what will soon be...

Mexico Agrees to Pay for Commercial Time During Trump’s Border Wall Address

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador announced today that his country would pay for commercial time during an address from the Oval Office tonight, delivered by U.S. President Donald Trump. Mr. Trump is expected to deliver a...

Trump Offers to Scratch Border Wall in Favor of Giant Retractable Dome

WASHINGTON. D.C. -- With the government shut down for over two weeks, and House Democrats showing no sign of budging on his demands, President Trump shocked millions today when he announced that he'd be willing to drop his demand...

POLL: 60% of Americans Hoping Government Shutdown Lasts Until 2020

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Because Senate Republicans didn't have the votes necessary to break a potential Democratic filibuster, President Trump was denied funding for his border wall, and at midnight last night, the federal government entered a partial shutdown state. The...

Trump Wants U.S. to Sell Mexico the Iraqi WMD to Fund Border Wall

President Trump is so desperate to fund his southern border wall he'll consider selling weapons of mass destruction to our neighbors.

President Trump Releases List of Things He’d Do Differently During Government Shutdown

He may not have any idea how to govern, but Donald Trump certainly knows what he'd do during a government shutdown.

Trump Threatens To Stamp His Feet, Hold His Breath Until Congress Rips Healthcare From The Poor

Donald Trump knows that the fight over healthcare just needs his own unique brand of totally mature and nuanced negotiation.
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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