God

Pat Robertson: God Will Warm Texas If He Stops Watching “Magic Mike” for Research Purposes Twelve Times a Week

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Living fossil and televangelist Pat Robertson often speaks to God about what's going in the United States. In particular, Robertson will dialogue with God about natural disasters and weather phenomenon. Usually, God tells Robertson exactly...

Man Sues God For Taking Betty White and Bob Saget When Trump Was ‘Still a Very Good Option’

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- 2022 is not quite two weeks old, and already a handful of famous, beloved celebrities have passed on -- and that fact has just landed Larry "God" Schumway back in civil court, the subject...

God: “I Have No Fucking Clue Who This Mango Craycray Greene Is”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, House Democrats passed a bill that, if signed into law, would codify the right to an abortion, ahead of the Supreme Court hearing arguments in a case that could gut the 1973 Roe v. Wade...

Pat Robertson: God Wants Republicans to ‘Crotch Check’ Student Athletes

The 80+ year old televangelist said Jesus told him personally he needs to protect the "integrity" of sports by feeling up student athletes before their games.

God Says He’s Getting a Lot of Prayers About Mitch McConnell Having a Stroke

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- The CEO of Holy Trinity Inc., one of the afterlife's premier eternal timeshare resorts, told heavenly reporters today that he's been getting "absolutely douched" with requests on his resort's prayer hotline that he's "not...

God Denies Any Collusion With Trump Campaign

HEAVEN -- God has issued a statement distancing herself from the Donald Trump presidential administration. "Um. No. I didn't pick that douche. But LOL to anyone who thinks I would," God's letter states very plainly. "I don't pick presidents as...

Americans Flood Heaven’s Switchboards Asking If Trump Can Take George HW Bush’s Spot

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Larry "God" Schumway and his son, Jesus Hubert Christ held a holy press conference today from the corporate headquarters of their afterlife timeshare program, telling reporters that all of Trinity, Inc.'s prayer hotlines are...

God to Americans: “Your Kids Are Making It Here Faster Than Your Thoughts And Prayers”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This morning, Larry "God" Schumway held a press conference in front of the Pearly Gates, and when asked by heavenly reporters, he spoke briefly about the epidemic of school shootings in the United States. Schumway...

God Issues Apology to Bill O’Reilly For ‘Showing Humanity What a Scumbag Sexual Predator’ He Is

"Yeah, I'm just absolutely wounded on behalf of Bill for this."
- Advertisement -spot_img

Latest News

Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
- Advertisement -spot_img