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Trump Supporter Prepared to Worry About Deficit, Debts, Corrupt Presidents Again

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- If Donald Trump loses his reelection bid, right-wing podcaster and YouTube star Jethro Bohiggins says he's "bigly prepared to make big changes" in his political views. "I'll tell you what, if our Dear President loses,...

Congratulations, America! King Trump Has Decided to Let You Vote Today!

Citizenry of America! Rejoice! For your goodly King God Emperor, Donald John Trump I, has decreed that today shall be Election Day! Therefore, you are invited and encouraged to take part in the festivities! What other time in your life...

Lindsey Graham Spotted Rushing to White House With UV Light and Colonoscopy Hose

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The frantic, urgent exclamations could be heard throughout the Hill this morning. "Oh sweet molasses titties, we need to make sure our Dear American President fully and completely recovers! Outta my way!" Ivanka: “How Come Debates Are the...

Ivanka: “How Come Debates Are the Only Things Daddy Can Pull Out Of?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Actual First Lady was, according to several sources close to the situation this afternoon, very confused. Word had just gotten to Ivanka Trump that her father had decided to not participate in the next scheduled...

Eric Finds Daddy’s Next Tax Payment in White House Sofa Cushions

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- "Daddy! Daddy! Come quick! I just found a butt load of money, and we can keep it all, Daddy!" ALSO: Trump Thought IRS Stood For “I Repulsed Stormy” The shouts were heard last night, coming from the presidential...

Louisville DA: “Black Lives Matter, But Drywall Matters Enough to Charge Someone”

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY -- A night of civil unrest in Louisville unfolded yesterday after it was announced that no formal charges would be brought against any of the officers involved in the tragic shooting death of Breonna Taylor. Justice advocates...

Cruz: “The Senate Must Fill Ginsburg’s Seat and Secure a Permanent Majority for the Overwhelming Minority”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Unsurprisingly, Congressional Republicans have been giving interviews and making social media posts supporting President Donald Trump nominating a replacement for the late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Justice Ginsburg died last week after serving more...

Romney Had Spine Removed So He Could Suck Trump’s Dick

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Shocking absolutely, positively nobody, Sen. Mitt Romney (R-Utah) announced today that he would support his party's push to ram a replacement for the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg onto the Supreme Court bench before the election....

Trump Offers to Loan Army’s Bomb Sniffing Dogs to California

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If California wants them, President Donald Trump says they can have use of the Army's bomb-sniffing dogs to help them "control or reduce their forest fires," he said. ALSO: Ted Cruz Says Trump’s Dick “Tastes Like a...

Man Who Intentionally Wiped Out 200k Americans Outraged Mueller’s Agents Accidentally Wiped Their Phones

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If there's one thing we know about Trump supporters, it's that part of their core values is the belief that no one in a position of power in the government should have a reason to wipe...
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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