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Republican: Free College Plans Set America on a ‘Dangerous Path’ to Intelligent People

THIRD PINE, OHIO -- Senators Bernie Sanders and Liz Warren both have made the idea of some free college for U.S. citizens major components of their respective pitches for the Democratic Party's presidential nomination. It's a radical and reformative idea...

CDC Says Coronavirus Feeds Off Trump’s Ego

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Researchers at the Centers for Disease Control have announced what they think could be a breakthrough in the medical community's understanding of COVID-19, also known as the novel coronavirus. The CDC said that this new breakthrough...

Country That Can’t Afford Universal Health Care Magically Finds $2 Trillion in Cash Lying Around

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a stunning and unforeseen turn of events, the United States federal government has seemingly found about $2 trillion laying around somewhere and will use a portion of it to send to American families in an...

Big Time Wall Street Asshole Really Lovin’ That Socialism (and Cocaine) Now, Mothafuckas!

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- "You know what," Will Palumbozo asked our reporter over coffee that costs more than $14 after gratuity a couple of days ago, "do you have any idea how much I am fuckin' lovin' that...
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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