funny fake news

Cruz Will Insist That Congress Certify He Has an Ugly Wife and No Balls

This story first appeared on The Pastiche Post and is reprinted with permission. Before the 2016 presidential race, Ted Cruz had a wife named Heidi whose looks had never been the subject of discussion, let alone debate. However, during that campaign, then-candidate...

A List of The Totally Innocent Offspring Who Might Get a Trump Pardon

Presidential pardons are quite powerful. If there's a federal law or statute, and you happen to break it, a presidential pardon is all you need to get out of hot water. The powers don't extend to state level crimes,...

Trump Asks SCOTUS to Force States to Count Votes Using Three-Fifths Compromise

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The failing Donald Trump re-election campaign has filed an emergency motion with the Supreme Court of the United States of America, asking the highest court in the country to dictate to all fifty states how to...

Crews Greasing Door Hinges In Case Trump Has to be Pushed Out of White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Whether he wants to leave or not, by the end of January, once Joe Biden is sworn-in as the 46th President of the United States, Donald Trump will have to leave the White House. In case...

Kellyanne Conway Chose…Poorly

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In hindsight, her friends and family say that White House senior adviser Kellyanne Conway realizes she made quite a few mistakes in the last four or five years, and that her decision to work with the...

5 Fun Facts About Sidney Powell, The Rat-Faced Scarecrow Attempting to Steal Our Election

Yesterday, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani -- whose only role in society now is to be President Donald Trump's drunken, self-dick-fondling fixer -- stood with three other Trump campaign lawyers and spent over 90 minutes baselessly accusing everyone...

Parler Changes Name to “Fecebook”

RIKELAND, NEVADA -- The new social media site known as Parler has started to attract dissidents from Facebook and Twitter, people who think for one reason or another that the two biggest players in the game are biased against...

Report: Is Donald Trump Gonna Cry About It?

Is Donald Trump going to cry about it? The signs are unclear right now, but it's surely a question most Americans have asked themselves since the election was held last week. He's got some lawsuits pending, but no legal...

McConnell: “Maybe I’m a Wrinkly Fuckstick Traitor. But That Doesn’t Mean Trump Shouldn’t Contest Every State He Lost.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a moment of unforeseen and rare candor, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell admitted that he is a "wrinkly fuckstick traitor," however he insisted that fact doesn't negate President Trump's right to pursue legal challenges to...

Disappointed Stephen Miller Finds Out the Klan Doesn’t Offer Healthcare or 401kkk

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, soon to be former White House senior adviser Stephen Miller received some personally difficult news. Not only will be Mr. Miller soon be looking for a place to inspire and incite an American race...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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