Fuck Trump

Jim Jordan Won’t Admit the Election Wasn’t Stolen or That Trump’s Balls Don’t Taste Like Candy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- There are few in Congress more fiercely loyal to former President Don Trump than Rep. Gym Jordan (Q-OH). Jordan's devotion to Trump is so complete that even now, nine months after Joe Biden was sworn in, and...

Local Fuckface Still Crying and Lying About Losing

FARTS-A LOT-GO, FLORIDUH -- Residents of America's Dong State are probably used to hosting all sorts of con men, liars, racists, and general fuckfaces. It's hard to throw a rock in this country and not hit a story about...

Heartbroken Trump Boys Think They Have to Call Joe Biden “Daddy” Now

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- When or if President Donald Trump acknowledges his stinging, definitive defeat at the hands of the U.S. electorate is still a question of much debate and conjecture. However, there are signs within Trump World...

Trump Asks Pentagon to ‘Quietly’ Put a Dozen F-35 Jets in His Florida Storage Unit

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While he continues to wage losing legal battles to upend last month's election results, outgoing President Donald Trump has reportedly started to process his stinging defeat with a bit more of a clear mind, and has...

Palpatine Demands Death Star Recount, Claims Empire Won the Battle of Yavin

CORUSCANT -- Emperor Palpatine refuses to concede the Battle of Yavin the Rebel Alliance. Despite visual evidence that his highly-touted Death Star was blown to smithereens by a ragtag bunch of bush pilots exploiting a design flaw in the...

Trump Supporter Prepared to Worry About Deficit, Debts, Corrupt Presidents Again

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- If Donald Trump loses his reelection bid, right-wing podcaster and YouTube star Jethro Bohiggins says he's "bigly prepared to make big changes" in his political views. "I'll tell you what, if our Dear President loses,...

FBI Investigating Contents of Eric Trump’s See ‘n Say

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A truly stunning announcement was just made by the FBI at its headquarters in the nation's capital. "Just after lunch time, one of our agents discovered a Fisher Price See 'n Say toy -- you know, the...

Trump Demands Every Vote Cast For Him Is Counted ‘At Least Once’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- With just over a week to go until Election Day, President Donald Trump is demanding that state election boards ensure votes cast for him are counted "as many times as they need to be" once polls...

Trump Pre-Declares Premature Victory

"That is a really terrible, ridiculous thing to ask me, and frankly you should be in prison for even thinking you have the right to speak to me that way."

Trump Tweets ‘Hilarious’ Babylon Bee Article That Uses The N-Word 735 Times “Satirically”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At the time of publication, the White House has indicated President Donald Trump now understands that the Christotaliban publication The Babylon Bee is supposed to be satire, but that he will still "from time to time" tweet...
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Mark Meadows Signals Intent to Plead the Filth Before January 6th Committee

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, through his attorney, has made the House Select Committee investigating the...
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