Fourth of July

Pat Robertson Says California Earthquake Was God Clapping for Trump’s 4th of July Parade

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Though he didn't give his Independence Day speech until hours later after the initial shockwaves subsided, President Donald Trump triggered an earthquake in California yesterday when God applauded him earlier in the day. At least that's...

Historians Unearth George Washington’s Pilot License

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Researchers at the national archives have uncovered a document linked to the first President of the United States that may forever change the way we view him. "Recent presidential comments inspired us to do some research into...

Native American Man Spends July 4th Telling Americans To ‘Go Back’ Where They Came From

FALLBROOK, CALIFORNIA -- Tommy Curro, a member of the Pala Native American Tribe, made local headlines today when he stood out on the corner of 5th and Maine in his hometown and told every American citizen he encountered to...

President Trump Hopes Americans Appreciate How Hard Sucking Your Own D*ck In Front of Tanks Really Is

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump is, according to one senior staffer, "anxious, nervous, and excited" about his big 4th of July celebration, set to kick off in just hours. However, sources are also saying that Mr. Trump is really...

Trump Asks Putin If It’s Okay For Him To Celebrate American Independence Day

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This Independence Day morning, President Trump started his day by deviating from his normal routine of hours of uninterrupted rage tweeting on the toilet, and instead sent an urgent message through the Kushner Back Channel Communications...

Native American Man Spends July 4th Telling Americans To ‘Go Back’ Where They Came From

"An entire country of Mississippians. I don't want that, you don't want that."

U.S. Takes Break From Thumping Its Chest to Slap Itself On Back – With Fireworks!

The Fourth f July is the day of the year that America stops thumping its chest long enough to slap itself on its back for a "job well done" in democracy.
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How didĀ thisĀ end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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