First Amendment

Proposed Amendment Would Replace All Other Amendments With Second Amendment

Weighed down by accusations that the pushback against Black Lives Matter protesters constitutes an attack on First Amendment rights, and in the wake of DC mayor Muriel Bowser’s invocation of the Third Amendment to attempt the removal of active...

While Punching Orphan In The Face And Spitting On Nun’s Tits, Trump Complains of ‘Overly Negative Press’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump is truly and utterly confounded by what he calls "negative" press coverage of his administration. He calls the media the "enemy of the people" and regularly refers to them as "fake news" if...

Angry Orangutan Who Kept Birther Movement Alive For 8 Years Tweets All Weekend About Fake News

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- An orange-faced, alleged billionaire and angry orangutan lashed out on Twitter this weekend, attacking the free press. The orangutan in question first became famous in America for using his parents' wealth to tread water in life, never...

Man Who Got C’s In High School English Demands Immigrants ‘Speak American’ or Go Home

"What do they think gives them the right to speak whatever language they want?"

Trump: Meals on Wheels Cuts Will Cover Cost of Flying Pence Around Country Making a Show of Getting Offended by Constitution

Vice President Mike Pence will continue to fly around to NFL stadiums protesting protests of the national anthem during the national anthem.

Shaken Mike Pence Seen Exiting Colts Game Wrapped in American Flag and Being Consoled by Bald Eagle

As Vice President Mike Pence was seen making his exit from yesterday's Colts game, witnesses saw him being consoled by a bald eagle.

White Woman Just Wishes Black Man Would Peacefully Request To Not Be Murdered In Some Less Noticeable Way

One white woman understands why NFL players are kneeling and even agrees with their cause, but doesn't like how they're protesting.

Cliven Bundy Offers to Educate NFL Players on the Proper Ways to Protest

When it comes to protesting the federal government, rancher Cliven Bundy thinks he may be able to give NFL players the tips they need.

Neo-Nazi Agrees With Trump: The Media Are The Worst People In America

Everyone knows that the media are the absolutely worst human beings on the planet. Just ask any neo-Nazi you find; they'll tell you.
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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