God Sends Venmo Request for $600,000 to Joel Osteen

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Larry "God" Schumway, President and CEO of Holy Trinity, Inc., sent a Venmo request to Joel Osteen this morning, seekingĀ $600,000 from the famous televangelist. At a press conference this morning, Schumway told angelic reporters...

Confused Evangelical Still Can’t Find Anti-Abortion Verses in Bible

CORNHOLE FALLS, IDAHO -- Chad McMichaels is a 36 year old devout, born again Evangelical Christian. As such, Chad believes that abortion should be illegal because as he says, life begins at conception. "Though if I'm being honest, I've thought...

27 People Missing & Presumed Dead in Flat Earth Expedition

Ushuaia, Argentina -- 24 flat earth researchers and 3 crew members have been out of radio contact since late last week and are presumed to be dead, Not Really News has learned. The team, which was composed of amateur scientists...

Preacher Who Prayed With Trump Wakes Up With Third Degree Hand Burns

Reverend Malloy recently "laid hands" on President Trump, and has burns on his hands to prove it.

Ted Cruz Wants to Replace Donald Trump as the GOP’s Leading Douche

Senator Ted Cruz really hopes Republican voters think he's douchier than Donald Trump.

Pat Robertson: ‘I’m Not Sure Who or What to Blame Texas Flooding On’

Rev. Pat Robertson just can't figure out why super-conservative, super-Christian Texas was hit with God's wrath, when it's usually pro-gay states that get it.
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I Live in Arkansas. Can My 10 Year Old Work as a Bouncer at a Drag Bar?

I moved to Arkansas before I was a father, so I can't say that I'd even be thinking about...
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