Elon Musk

Musk Bought Twitter a Day Ago and My “@AmericasFirstReichPatriot” Account Still Isn’t Active!

Ummmmmmmmmmmm. What the actual, literal, perpetual fuck is going on over at Twitter? Elon Musk's offer to buy it was accepted more than a day ago, and my old account, which was banned under the previous Leftist Woketopian Twitter...

Of Course I Believe a Billionaire Wants to Protect My Freedom of Speech. I’m a Fucking Moron.

What's all this fuss about Elon Musk's hostile takeover attempt of Twitter? By now, don't we plebs understand that rich, white men are absolutely entitled to take with hostility anything they so desire? So what if Elon's family got rich on the...

If Musk Gets Controlling Stake, The First Thing He’ll Do Is Change Twitter’s Name

Billionaire Elon Musk recently purchased enough shares of Twitter to hold just under 10% of the total. It's not enough for him to gain a controlling interest in the social media company, however rumors are that Mr. Musk is...

Sen. Warren Proposes 80% ‘Billionaire Twatwaffle Tax’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) unveiled legislation that would institute a new 80% tax on all all wealth accumulated by, as Warren describes them, "billionaire twatwaffles." "Not trying to single any one, singular billionaire twatwaffle out...

Elon Musk to Investors: “Christine” Was Inspiration Behind Tesla Auto Pilot Technology

PALO ALTO, CALIFORNIA --  After dancing around multiple inquiries into Tesla’s “Auto Pilot” program and the number of accidents, both fatal and non-fatal, CEO Elon Musk divulged to shareholders and employees the technology surrounding the controversial feature. “The time for...

Disappointed Eric Trump Told SpaceX Launch Was Not Actually Santa’s Sleigh

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The president's second son had to be let down gently this morning by his wife, children, and dogs. All of Eric's family had to gather in their living room to break some tough news...
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Sinema Congratulates Fellow Dems on Senate Majority She Will Work with GOP to Thwart

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Perhaps nobody is as excited that her fellow Democrats will hold the Senate majority for the...
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