Elijah Cummings

Ghosts of Elijah Cummings and John Lewis Mistake Jar of Mayonnaise for Marco Rubio

THE GREAT BEYOND -- There was a brief but quite ironically hilarious case of mistaken identity reported from the afterlife this morning. Reportedly, two late congressmen, both African Americans and strong champions of civil rights and equality mistook allegedly still-breathing...

Disney Imagineers Have Begun “Stupid And Prejudiced” Firmware Update of Animatronic Trump

ORLANDO, FLORIDA -- One of the longest running attractions at Walt Disney World is the Hall of Presidents. In it, guests are transported through American history and -- thanks to animatronic versions of them -- are able to meet several...

Toothless Kentucky Man Would Never Live in Baltimore

CONFEDERATE FALLS, KENTUCKY -- Sebastian Wilmington is a 36 year old lifetime resident of his small Kentucky town. Wilmington is missing most of his teeth due to a meth addiction he found himself with after running out of ways...

Baltimore Rat Feels Right at Home Visiting White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A rat from Baltimore has been in the nation's capital for the last few days, visiting friends and family. During his visit, Whitmire the Rat decided he wanted to take a "once in a lifetime opportunity"...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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