Electoral College

GA Grand Jury Wants to Indict Trump on Charges of Being a Daughter Lusting Sore Loser

A grand jury in Georgia has concluded its work, and according to several sources, is ready to recommend that former, one term, twice forever impeached President Donald J. Trump be indicted and charged with several civil and criminal offenses...

Trump Demands the Electoral College Declare Larry Elder Governor of California

FART-A LOT-GO, FLORIDUH -- Over the course of four years, Donald Trump got quite used to issuing orders and having them carried out at the highest levels throughout the U.S. government. For a man who has spent much of his...

National Association of A-Holes Kicks Cruz Out Over His Role in Stoking Capitol Riot

CULERO, TEXAS -- The National Association of A-Holes has decided to expel one of its most famous, loyal, and heretofore well-respected board members. In a letter dated just two days after a violent, deadly insurrection against the capitol, spurred on...

Trump Assures MAGA Nation He’s Not Yet Tired of Winning at Losing

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- An angry, ranting, outgoing, one-term, permanently impeached, lame duck President Donald Trump spoke to a massive crowd of riled-up members of his cult in front of the White House today, just hours before Congress started certifying...

Mike Pence Will Certify Biden’s Win, But Not Take Trump’s Dong Out of His Mouth First

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This might the toughest spot Mike Pence has found himself in since he "accidentally" stumbled upon a late-night broadcast of the film "Magic Mike XXL," but according to several sources he's worked out a sort of...

Cruz Will Insist That Congress Certify He Has an Ugly Wife and No Balls

This story first appeared on The Pastiche Post and is reprinted with permission. Before the 2016 presidential race, Ted Cruz had a wife named Heidi whose looks had never been the subject of discussion, let alone debate. However, during that campaign, then-candidate...

Trump Wants Congress to Declare Him President of the Confederacy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Before becoming the 45th most intelligent President of the United States ever, Donald Trump was an alleged businessman. Throughout the 1970's, 80's, 90's, and the first part of the 21st century, Trump projected an image of...

Weird: This Stupid Racist Doesn’t Want Black People’s Votes to Count

This man is Senator Josh Hawley. He's a Republican, and he represents the State of Missouri in the United States Senate. Apparently, Sen. Hawley also has one more thing to add to his bio this week -- he's a...

Trump Demands Electoral College Make Joe Biden Repeat His Senior Year

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Electoral College meets today to officially declare former Vice President Joe Biden the winner of last month's election, making it one more time that President Trump will lose. Thus far, Trump has not only lost...

5 Ways Donald Trump Can Still Win The Election

The 2020 election came and went. At times, it seemed like we were all going to be stuck in this election cycle forever. It also felt at times like the campaign season started four years ago. When it was...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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