Election

Greene Can’t Recall What She Said She Can’t Recall About What She Said Five Minutes Ago

Last week, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) took the witness stand in the first hearing to determine her eligibility to seek re-election. Greene's candidacy has been challenged by a group of voters in her own district, on grounds that...

No Matter What Lamestream Media Says, Man Will Believe the Election Was Stolen and Earth is Flat

FUCKFACE RIVER, IDAHO -- If a mainstream news outlet says something, 43 year old Jesse Keeley does not believe it, and in fact will, in his own words, "usually assume the total opposite is true." "That's why back in the...

Obama Hopes Biden Remembers How to Take Everyone’s Guns, Jobs, and Bibles

UNDISCLOSED SHARIA COMMIE SOCIALIST BUNKER, SOROSLAND -- It's been four long years since Agenda 666 has been implemented, and former President Barack HUSSEIN Obama (D-Kenya) hopes that his old ticketmate, incoming President-elect Joe Biden "remembers his training" and can...

Hannity Says Trump Is ‘Still the Manliest Sore Loser Cry Baby Bitch’ He’s Ever Known

With each passing day, President Donald Trump's time in office grows shorter. It started with Election Day, then continued through several recounts. Then, Trump or those supporting his campaign filed -- and lost -- more than 50 lawsuits attempting...

Obama Warns Biden Against Tan Suits and Dijon Mustards

SECRET KENYAN SHARIA BUNKER -- Outgoing President Donald J. Trump may not want to admit it quite yet, but he lost his reelection bid two weeks ago. Thus far, only one of his campaign's lawsuits has been upheld, and...

This Big Ol’ Impeached Pile of Whiny Bitch Couldn’t Even Win the Popular Vote Once In Two Tries!

Let's play a little guessing game! Can you guess, from the hints we give you below, who this person is? HINT #1: He is the least-popularly elected president of all time! HINT #2: He has the most votes cast against him...

RNC Quietly Removes “Supporting American Democracy” from Party Platform

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Republican National Committee has taken down the phrase "Supporting American Democracy" from their party's platform, published on their website. It's unclear when, exactly, the RNC decided to remove the phrase, but comparisons of the platform...

74 Year Old Toddler Claims Victory Without Actually Winning

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, before the entire nation, a 74 year old toddler claimed victory. However, as facts bear out, he didn't actually win. "If you count the legal votes, I win," the elderly man-baby howled from the White...

Moscow Joins Trump Lawsuit Seeking to End Vote Counting in Pennsylvania

MOSCOW, RUSSIA, -- President Vladimir Putin has authorized the Kremlin to file amicus briefs in lawsuit filed by the Trump campaign. The suit is attempting to halt the vote counting operations currently underway in Pennsylvania. "This morning, I told my...

Congratulations, America! King Trump Has Decided to Let You Vote Today!

Citizenry of America! Rejoice! For your goodly King God Emperor, Donald John Trump I, has decreed that today shall be Election Day! Therefore, you are invited and encouraged to take part in the festivities! What other time in your life...
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Latest News

Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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