Biden Orders “Capitalism” Removed from U.S. Constitution

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The government must remove any and all references to "capitalism" from the United States Constitution by the end of next week, according to a new order just signed by President Joe Biden in the Oval Office...

Conservative Still Searching for the Word “Capitalism” in Constitution

LAKE BOOTRIEMEN, MICHIGAN -- For the last 25 years, Jack Mincer has been scouring the Constitution of the United States of America for one, simple word -- "capitalism." MORE: NYC Offers to Paint “Orange Lies Matter” in Front of Trump...

Trump Worries ‘Obama’s Stock Market Crash’ Will Tank His Economy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump told the American people today on the front lawn of the White House that he's "bigly worried" about the recent performance of former President Obama's stock market. The president explained that he decided...

Trump Takes Credit For Affordable Care Act And Being The First President Of Color

Everyone knows the Affordable Care Act is one of President Trump's signature achievements, along with breaking the sound barrier and curing AIDS.

Republican Explains Why His Taxes Rising 2% Under Sanders is Worth a Trump Apocalypse

One Trump supporter explains why he can't afford two more cents per dollar.

J. Hubert Christ: Heaven’s Email System Downed By Flood of Prayers for Bernie Sanders Victory

Jesus Christ says all the prayers about Bernie Sanders' campaign have broken his company's electronic prayer request system.

Victorian Age Dildo Offers to Sub-In for Scott Walker as Governor

Scott Walker could get some relief from an unexpected party.

Wild-Eyed Socialist Proposes Crazy Idea to Conservative College Crowd: Compromise

Some crazy guy visited a hardcore conservative Bible college and had the balls to suggest Americans should set aside their differences and work together.

Alabama GOP Considering Bill to Force Stomach Pumping of Welfare Recipients

Alabama doesn't want Wisconsin having all the fun crapping on welfare recipients.
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Jesus Really Loved Sam Smith’s and Kim Petras’ Grammy Performance

Many conservative commentators have been apoplectic about singers Sam Smith and Kim Petras appearance at this past weekend's Grammy...
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