Dow Jones

Trump Accuses ‘Mr. Dow Jones’ of Being a Never Trumper

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump lashed out angrily at "Mr. Dow Jones" in a heated tirade on the White House lawn this morning. Trump was seething after watching the stock markets crater yet again yesterday. Yesterday's slide amounted...

Trump Boys All Set To Go Bear Hunting on Trip to New York Stock Exchange

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- "We're goin' on a bear hunt, Daddy," Eric Trump shouted into the phone in his hand, the excitement exploding from his voice. On the other end of the line, President Donald J. Trump was in...

Kellyanne Conway: “The Market is Alternatively Booming Because Investors Are Alternatively Confident in Us”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- After one of its most volatile weeks since the Great Recession last week, which saw multiple steep drops on the Dow and S&P 500, trading opened today far worse than even the futures market indicated it...

Trump Issues Executive Order for Dow Jones to Work Like Golf Scores

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As the markets opened today, the Dow Jones Industrial average opened with another plummet of over 1,000 points. This has seen the largest drop in the markets since the start of the great recession. Fears and...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How didĀ thisĀ end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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