Department of Homeland Security

Palpatine Blames ‘AntiSith Anarchists’ for Use of Death Star on Alderaan

CORUSCANT -- In an emergency address, Emperor Sheev Palpatine confirmed that the Death Star's primary weapon was used against the planet Alderaan, which until very recently resided in the galaxy's inner core, not far from the capital. While the...

Hannity, Ingraham, Bongino, Hitler Support Feds’ Crackdown on Peaceful Portland Protesters

In a year already filled with drama and tumult, it seems that 2020 isn't quite done with head-scratching, eye-popping, eyebrow-raising headlines. MORE: Trump Orders EPA Study On Effects Of Electrolytes On Plant Life In Portland, unidentified federal agents have begun a...

Kirstjen Nielsen Filling Out Employment Application At On The Border Mexican Grill

GOLD HILLS, VIRGINIA -- Former Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen will be in need of gainful employment very soon. Last week, Nielsen was asked for her resignation by President Donald Trump, and tendered it. The relationship between Trump...

Dozens of Secret Service Members Volunteer to Be Next Ones Fired from Trump Administration

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This week, President Donald Trump's administration saw quite a shakeup in the Department of Homeland Security. DHS Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen was asked for, and tendered, her resignation, and within hours Secret Service Director Randolph "Tex" Alles was...

Trump Wants Ann Coulter as Next DHS Secretary

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Over the weekend, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen tendered her resignation, signalling yet another departure from President Donald Trump's cabinet. There has been widespread reporting in multiple outlets that Nielsen and Trump were constantly ad...

Outgoing DHS Secretary Nielsen Making One Last Run to Petco for Dog/Migrant Child Crates

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Over the weekend, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen announced she was leaving the Trump administration. Secretary Nielsen took to Twitter, however, to further announce that she would be staying on as DHS Secretary until...

8 Year Old Honduran Girl Knew What To Expect In Concentration Camp From Yelp Review of Trump Hotel

RIO ESTUPIDO, TEXAS -- An eight year old girl from Honduras who was temporarily detained separately from her parents by ICE told news outlets this morning that she wasn't at all surprised by the conditions of her concentration camp...

God: ‘Someone Tell Jeff Sessions To Stop Using Me To Justify Being an Evil, Shriveled, Racist Cunt’

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- When Larry "God" Schumway strode to the podium in front of the famous pearly gates that adorn the entrance to his 5-Star luxury afterlife timeshare, the tension in the air was palpable according to...

Trump Administration Wants Planned Parenthood To Help With Separating Illegal Immigrant Children From Mothers

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, the Donald Trump administration turned heads and shocked perhaps a few million people when they announced that a partnership with Planned Parenthood between the White House and the country's leading provider of low cost...

DHS Seeks Deal With PETCO To Provide Crates For Immigrant Child Detention Centers

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The White House announced today that the Department of Homeland Security wants to purchase 100,000 dog crates of various sizes from PETCO to be used in detention centers across the country in order to house children...
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Ben Shapiro Shocked His Wife Has This In Common With Every Transgender Woman

"It turns out, I can't make any of their pussies wet either." - Ben Shapiro A shocked and visibly distraught...
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