Democratic Primary

Man Wonders What Would Happen If Everyone Who Said Sanders Can’t Win Voted Blue No Matter Who

FT. MODERATION, IDAHO-- Tyler Pessimistanto is a 38 year old American voter, and a registered Democrat. He wasn't always a Democrat. In his lifetime, Tyler has also been a Republican and a registered independent. Tyler considers himself a progressive,...

DNC: “We’re Not Taking Any Sides Except Against Candidates We Don’t Want You to Want”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Democratic National Committee released a statement today, perhaps in an attempt to head off criticism that it's working to give former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg (D-Cash) any advantage it can. It was announced...

POLL: Literally F_ _king Nobody Wants This Douchebag to Run for President Right Now

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- This week, several outlets reported that former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is planning to file paperwork necessary for him to enter the 2020 presidential race. Bloomberg would be vying for the Democratic nomination in...

Bernie Sanders Withdraws From Primary in Order to Spend More Time With Remaining Vocal Cords

MIAMI, FLORIDA — Two-time Democratic nomination contender and man who shouts at strangers on the A train while they all pretend he isn’t actually there, Bernie Sander, has this morning caused upset in hipster cafes across the nation after...

Michelle Obama Plagiarizes Michelle Obama In Her DNC Speech

Did Michelle Obama steal material from Michelle Obama?

Scientists Confirm Truth Still True Even If Russian Hackers Find It

"If leaked emails show that water is wet, there is no need to jump into a shower to verify that fact."

SuperPAC Owner Threw Hundred Dollar Bills at Sanders Supporter to ‘Make Her Go Away’

A meeting between a pro-Hillary SuperPAC owner and a Sanders supporter.

DNC’s New “Condescend the Vote” Campaign Aimed at Retaining Sanders Supporters

The DNC is trying a new campaign to keep Sanders supporters if he doesn't win the nomination.
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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