dating

Man Issues Formal Apology to Every Woman He Couldn’t Make Come

HIDDEN GORGE, CALIFORNIA -- This week, fifteen women throughout the country received the same letter from local resident Jerry Maloenelsexo, apologizing for his "inability" to bring them to a "full and satisfactory orgasmic climax" during a prior sexual encounter...

Man in Romantic Relationship With Wall Socket Shocked by Genital Pain

VALLE DE PENE QUEMADO, NEW MEXICO -- No matter how much his groin region hurts, 37 year old Mitch Terkinblaum says he's never, ever breaking up with his girlfriend. Mitch does admit, however, that he should probably stop referring...

Why Women Can’t Resist Steve Bannon

Washington, D.C. -- There's something about Donald Trump's former Chief Strategist that women can't resist and for years, women of all political stripes have sought Steve Bannon's attention. From his humble beginnings as a Wall Street investment banker, to...

Couple Totally Not on Same Page About Which Content to Stream While Absent Mindedly Fucking

WINDY BEACH FALLS, VIRGINIA -- Skip and Jerry Lawson have been married for fifteen years and they both say they have an "okay" or "whatever" sex life, but right now they are completely at odds with each other with...

The 15 Cute Nicknames My Wife Insists I Use For Her P_ _sy

I have a wife, and we are both forward thinking, progressive individuals. Not only did she keep her last name when we got married, I gave up my last name...and my first name! In fact, I gave up my entire...

The 15 Cute Nicknames My Wife Insists I Use For Her Pussy

I have a wife, and we are both forward thinking, progressive individuals. Not only did she keep her last name when we got married, I gave up my last name...and my first name! In fact, I gave up my entire...

Local Woman Still Not Interested In Seeing A Digital Image Of Your Penis

HARPER VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- It's not that 28 year old Cheryl Terwilliger Jones has absolutely no interest in seeing any digital picture of any penis, period. She just doesn't have any interest in seeing your dick. That is, of...

5 Ways Your Sex Robot Is Telling You They’re Ready To Be Programmed To Fuck Other People

So you're in love, and everything's going well. The romance is alive, the passion is plentiful. And the sex? Oh boy, the sex! It's incredible. The best sex you've probably had in your entire life, and with good reason... ...because...

4 Sext Messages to Send Your Lover to Get Them “In the Mood”

Everyone wants to sext. But they want to sext in a way that's the sexiest sexting possible. We've got the goods to teach you how!
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Trump Orders “Beautiful MAGA Army” to Ready Their Rascal Scooters for a Jail Break

Former President Trump is, according to several sources at Mar-A-Lago, really starting to lose his patience and cool, days...
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