COVID19

Scientists Developing Covid Vaccine That Will Also Shut Meghan McCain the Fuck Up

Calling it "one of the most important and necessary endeavors" of her career, Dr. Kimberly Manheimsteemrohler told a radio host today that she and her fellow researchers at Northwest Southern Idaho University are close to a true medical breakthrough. "If...

Trump: “All Lives Matter Except in Blue States”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's no big secret that President Donald Trump has spent a lot of time trying to frame his administration's response to the COVID-19 pandemic outbreak in a positive light. Trump has attempted to get the nation...

Mickey and Minnie Mouse Sue Disney After Being Hospitalized With COVID-19 Symptoms

WHORELANDO, FLORIDA -- In what can surely be described as a truly unforeseen turn of events, Mickey and Minnie Mouse have files papers in Florida district court, suing their employer. MORE: Redskins Rename Themselves to Honor Those Offended by Team’s...

CDC Study Shows Wearing a Mask Reduces Spreading Selfish Douchebaggery by 100%

HOTLANTA, GEORGIA -- Researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention just released a new study that they are hoping "settles and puts to rest some of the lingering questions" Americans might have about wearing facial coverings out...

Pence: “We Flattened the Curve. We Saved Lives. Iraq had WMD. 2+2=Ketchup.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At a press conference last week, Vice President Mike Pence caused quite a bit of eyebrow raising and head scratching. The presser was the first such event held by the White House coronavirus task force in...

Trump Boys Mortuaries Opens Across America’s Heartland

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Never shy about a business venture opportunity, the presidents' two midly cogent older sons, Eric and his brother Donald Trump Jr., announced today that they are opening a franchise of funeral homes in the...

Oprah Winfrey School of Medicine Revokes Degrees Given to Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS -- One of the nation's leading reality-TV medical schools has decided to revoke the degrees they conferred on two of their most famous alumni. In a statement issued from the office of Dean of Admissions Oprah Winfrey...

Historians Unearth Draft of Famous Patrick Henry ‘Give Me Retail Shopping and Give Me Death’ Speech

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Researchers at the National Academy of History and Past Events announced this morning that they've made a rather interesting and unforeseen discovery in their basement filing cabinets. The NAHPE is tasked with curating and cataloging a...

Donald Trump Jr: “Americans Need to Go Back to Pretending to Work Like Me”

"My daddy always said if I can do something, literally any fucking moron in the world can do it, too."
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Trump Pleaded the Fifth When Asked By NY AG If He Was Ivanka’s Lover, Father, or Employer

Recently, it was revealed that when he was deposed by the New York Attorney General in a case involving...
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