covid0-19

DeSantis Orders All Florida High Schoolers to Participate in Unvaccinated Make-Out Parties

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) has issued an ultimatum to every high school student in his state -- make out with someone who has COVID, or else. "With this order, the people of Florida can rest assured that...

CDC: Increased Risk of COVID Infection After Exposure to Blathering, Right-Wing Morons

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The CDC held an urgent press conference this morning during which Dr. Allison Cooper stopped just short of begging Americans to turn off Fox News, OAN, and NewsMax. "At this point in time, what we can say...

After Fauci Reminds Americans Condoms Prevent STDs, Pro-MAGA Patriot Diagnosed With Syphilis

"I don't trust a damn word that comes out of notorious Anti-Trumper Dr. Tony Fauci's liar mouth," white nationalist and pro-MAGA super patriot Matthew Palumbo told listeners to his podcast this weekend, "so when he got on the television...

Trump Supporter Won’t Wear Mask, Seatbelt, or Condom

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- If there is one thing that represents a tyrannical government, it's being politely asked to wear a mask in public to help stop the asymptomatic spread of a deadly disease. At least that's according...

Experts Warn: U.S. Economy Now as Depressed By Trump as Americans Are

The April 2020 jobs report is in, and it's an absolute blood bath, which has many financial experts sounding the alarm this morning. The US economy lost 20.5 million jobs in April, the Bureau of Labor Statistics said Friday — by...

Hannity Accuses Fauci of Being Part of ‘Deep State Plot’ to Make Trump ‘Look Bad By Saving Lives’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- On his radio show this morning, Fox News host Sean Hannity told listeners that he's starting to believe Dr. Anthony Fauci, who is the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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