COVID-19

President Assures Public Fighting Coronavirus Won’t Keep Him From Trying to Suck His Own Dick

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When President Donald Trump took to the podium in the White House briefing room for an event that has become a regular occurrence during the pandemic outbreak of the novel coronavirus, sources say he had calming...

Doctors Treating Rand Paul’s Coronavirus With Bootstraps, Thoughts, and Prayers

BOWLING GREEN, CUNTUCKY -- This weekend, Senator Rand Paul (R-Kremlin) became the first sitting U.S. Senator to have a confirmed coronavirus infection. Senator Paul's office announced via Twitter that he had tested positive and was undergoing a self-quarantine process...

Eric Trump Asks His Dad If They Can Start a Charity For COVID-19 Patients

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- During his weekly "catch up" call with his father, Eric Trump suggested that they should perhaps start a charity for COVID-19 patients. "Daddy! Diddums! I had an idea, and I know you've told me my...

CDC Suggests ‘Electoral Distancing’ From Trump Administration

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Over the past week and a half, Americans were introduced to new, but extremely vital phrase for their lexicons -- "social distancing." It's the practice of keeping a good, healthy distance from others. Medical experts have recommended...

Trump Says His Response to Coronavirus Would Have Been Less Incompetent if the Press ‘Wasn’t So Mean’ To Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During a recent White House press briefing on his administration's response to the COVID-19 pandemic outbreak, President Donald Trump took time to complain about how the press has covered his efforts thus far. Conservative commentator S.E....
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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