COVID-19

DNC Announces New Strategy: Encouraging Trump Supporters to Protest Coronavirus Lockdowns

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Democratic National Committee announced today that it has formulated a new electoral strategy they hope will not only further expand their majority in the House of Representatives and bring them closer to a majority in...

Treasury Orders Trump’s Mushroom Stamp on Coronavirus Stimulus Checks

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. Treasury Department issued an order late last night that some say could have an impact on when some Americans receive their coronavirus stimulus aid. In a brief signing statement, Treasure Secretary and B-team Bond...

Trump Assures Governors He Stands Ready to Take Credit for Their Hard Work Battling Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On a call with the nation's fifty governors, President Trump assured each state's chief executive that he is "standing by" and "bigly ready" to take credit for all their hard work while battling the COVID-19 pandemic...

Ghoulish Narcissistic Con Man: “Who Gives a Fuck How Many People Die If My TV Ratings Are Good?!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A tubby, ghoulish, narcissistic con man -- who somehow managed to get access to America's nuclear launch codes -- held another daily press conference today and continued to express pride in the fact that the briefings...

Kellyanne Conway Says The Trump Economy Can ‘Easily Handle’ 17 Million Americans Filing for ‘Alternative Employment’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As President Donald Trump tries to help the nation navigate what he and his coronavirus response task force believe will be a devastating next couple of weeks for the number of newly reported infections, and, unfortunately,...

Trump Thanks Those Who Have Died from Coronavirus for Bumping Up His Briefings’ TV Ratings

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump took to Twitter this morning and did something no one could have possibly predicted based on the hundreds of tweets he's posted since becoming president -- he complained about Democrats and the media....

Trump Says He’s ‘Heard Good Things’ About Treating Coronavirus With Blowtorches and Flamethrowers

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump continued to give unlicensed medical advice and consultation to the American people during today's coronavirus press briefing. In recent days, Trump has dramatically ramped-up his very public support of hydroxychloroquine, a drug he...

Whiny Bitch Says He’d Suck Less at COVID-19 Response If Media Wasn’t So Mean To His Baby Ass

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A big, fat, whiny, entitled, spoiled bitch stood in the White House press briefing room and insisted to reporters yesterday that his idiotic administration full of all kinds of miscreants, morons, misanthropes, and worse -- Stephen...

CDC Urges Trump Supporters to Stop Sharing Hoods

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In what has been one of the busiest and most critical times in its existence, the Centers for Disease Control has spent most of its energies in the last couple of weeks trying to help Americans...

White House Adds Drs. Giuliani, Hannity, and Lahren to Coronavirus Task Force

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump announced today that his coronavirus response task force has enlisted the service of three new specialists who the president believes could be "absolute game changers." President Trump called these new medical experts and...
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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