COVID-19

CDC Says It’s Now Safe to Remove Your Mask In Order Tell Ted Cruz to Fuck Himself

https://youtu.be/11jCNmjSShA ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The Centers for Disease Control has issued the following update to their masking guidance. In the interest of public safety, The Political Garbage Chute has elected to re-print the CDC's memo in full, verbatim, below. Since the beginning of...

Greene Decries ‘Cancel Culture and Fascism’ as She Chucks a Copy of “Maus” Into the Bonfire

INCESTLAND, GEORGIA -- Recently, a school board in Texas gained notoriety when it ordered the graphic novel "Maus" removed from its school libraries, effectively barring it from campus. The book was written by a man whose parents were survivors...

Fauci to Paul: “In My Non Self-Certified Medical Opinion, You’re a Bitch-Ass Lying Traitor”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- After two years of the global COVID-19 pandemic and the federal government's response to it, one thing is certain -- there is absolutely no love lost between Dr. Anthony Fauci, a real medical doctor, and Sen....

Experts Weigh-In: Will Your 10 Year Old’s 5G Reception Improve After Getting the COVID-19 Vaccine?

Yesterday, an FDA panel voted unanimously to recommend authorization of the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine for children ages 5 to 11 years old. It represents a key milestone in the global pandemic, and offers even more opportunities for life to...

DeSantis Offers $5,000 to Any Cop With COVID That Makes Out With Him

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- The Governor of Florida is bound and determined to get police officers unvaccinated against COVID-19 to consider moving to his state. Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q), who keeps assuring his constituents he's not eyeing a 2024 presidential bid,...

Boebert Demands to Know Why FDA Still Hasn’t Approved Bleach Injection Booster

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) counts herself among some of the most strident and outspoken followers and devotees of the MAGA political movement. Ms. Boebert, who up to the point she was elected to Congress was most...

COVID-19 Desperately Googling “How to Prevent Being Drugged and Date Raped”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's something that COVID-19 was sure it would never have to worry about, but now it's all it can think about. Upon finding out that Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh would be spending some very close,...

Tucker Carlson Will Interview Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Balls on Tonight’s Show

"I really think it makes sense for a dick like me to interview a couple of nuts." - Tucker Carlson Tonight, Fox News host and white supremacist Tucker Carlson will have a guest that is sure to make headlines the...

Urologist Fears America’s Penis May Never Fully Recover from COVID-19 Delta Surge

Dr. Richard Schvantz has been a licensed, board certified urologist for over 40 years, and he has never been this alarmed when looking at any penis before. "My entire professional career has been dedicated to learning about diseases of the...

Patriot Will Get Vaccinated If The Sunlight He’s Shooting Up His Ass Doesn’t Work First

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins has already fought off two COVID-19 infections, but as he told his audience this weekend, he has "absolutely zero plans" to take one of the three currently approved...
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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