Constitution

When Did George Soros Have “Capitalism” and “Christianity” Taken Out of the Constitution?

In school, most of us learn that the United States of America literally invented freedom and enshrined it in our Constitution, which is second only to the Holy Bible and Fifty Shades of Gray in terms importance to the human race....

Does The Constitution Let Fake Audits and Hurt Feelings Remove Real Presidents From Office?

In Arizona and Georgia, Republicans still loyal to a former reality-TV game show host and twice-permanently impeached president who never won the popular vote in any election are trying like hell to get him restored to office. In both...

Trump Administration Will Start Giving Biden Transition Team Covfefe Briefings

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though he seems intent on never technically conceding that he lost, President Donald Trump has agreed to begin allowing his administration to give the incoming Joe Biden administration important briefings, starting immediately. This morning, President Trump...

Proposed Amendment Would Replace All Other Amendments With Second Amendment

Weighed down by accusations that the pushback against Black Lives Matter protesters constitutes an attack on First Amendment rights, and in the wake of DC mayor Muriel Bowser’s invocation of the Third Amendment to attempt the removal of active...

Trump Signs Executive Order Demanding Facebook and Twitter Make Him Look Attractive and Competent

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump proved his small-government, traditionally conservative values today when he signed an executive order demanding that private companies that run social media platforms treat him exactly the way he demands to be treated. Trump was...

Trump Says Americans Without Toilet Paper Can Wipe With the Constitution Like He Does

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As his administration grapples with how to best coax states into restarting their economies, President Donald Trump addressed an issue related to the near nationwide COVID-19 lockdowns - lack of toilet paper. Since February, household items...

Conservative Still Searching for the Word “Capitalism” in Constitution

LAKE BOOTRIEMEN, MICHIGAN -- For the last 25 years, Jack Mincer has been scouring the Constitution of the United States of America for one, simple word -- "capitalism." MORE: NYC Offers to Paint “Orange Lies Matter” in Front of Trump...

Ted Cruz: “If I Wasn’t a Smarmy, Partisan Cunt Maybe I’d Care About Trump Being a Lawless Asshole Tyrant”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a wild and unforeseen development, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Trump's Urethra) called himself a profanity in reference to his seeming indifference to President Trump's rampant and wanton disregard for accepted norms and laws. Cruz's comments came...

Craven, Gold Digging, Racist Birther Vehemently Defends Meal Ticket Her Husband Barely Acknowledges

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A craven, cynical, gold digging, racist birther took to Twitter yesterday to forcefully defend her meal ticket from a harmless pun, and the country is still buzzing about it. Yesterday, during the House Judiciary Committee's impeachment hearing,...

Gargantuan Dumbfuck Just Can’t Stop Live-Tweeting His Own Impeachment Like The Dumbfuck He Is

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A former D-list reality TV host, a man who somehow convinced 63 million Americans he'd be able to do as President of the United States something he could never do in his business life -- succeed...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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