Constitution

Proposed Amendment Would Replace All Other Amendments With Second Amendment

Weighed down by accusations that the pushback against Black Lives Matter protesters constitutes an attack on First Amendment rights, and in the wake of DC mayor Muriel Bowser’s invocation of the Third Amendment to attempt the removal of active...

Trump Says Americans Without Toilet Paper Can Wipe With the Constitution Like He Does

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As his administration grapples with how to best coax states into restarting their economies, President Donald Trump addressed an issue related to the near nationwide COVID-19 lockdowns - lack of toilet paper. Since February, household items...

Gargantuan Dumbfuck Just Can’t Stop Live-Tweeting His Own Impeachment Like The Dumbfuck He Is

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A former D-list reality TV host, a man who somehow convinced 63 million Americans he'd be able to do as President of the United States something he could never do in his business life -- succeed...

Georgia Democrats Mull Law Moving All Abortion Clinics Into Gun Shops

Democrats in Wisconsin are considering a bill that would move all its state's abortion providers into the gun stores, ammo shops and ranges within the Cheese State.

McConnell Confident Trump Can Fit It All In There

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At a hastily convened press conference this afternoon, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell forcefully insisted that the entirety of whatever it is that President Donald Trump calls his penis could fit into any orifice on McConnell's...

Mitch McConnell: “Trump’s Not Above the Law, It Just Doesn’t Apply to Him”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell told reporters outside the rotunda today that he's "sick and tired of the Democrats treating President Trump like he's President Obama." McConnell said that "obstructing Democrat presidents is the solemn duty...

Neo-Nazi Agrees With Trump: The Media Are The Worst People In America

Everyone knows that the media are the absolutely worst human beings on the planet. Just ask any neo-Nazi you find; they'll tell you.

Priebus Warns Trump His Tweets Can Be Read By Supreme Court Justices Too

President Trump may not quite understand how Twitter works. Then again he's still figuring out how the toilet works.

Out Of Toilet Paper, Trump Uses The First Amendment To Wipe His Gigantic, Disgusting, Orange Ass

It was a tense few moments, but luckily Donald Trump had the First Amendment handy and could wipe his butt with it.

NSA Encrypting Security Briefs At Fifth Grade Reading Level To Keep Trump From Compromising Them

Agents with the NSA have begun to encrypt their intelligence briefings in a way they hope will keep Trump from understanding them.
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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