Comedy

Manchin: “If Rubbing Coal on My Balls Isn’t Doing Enough for Climate Change, That’s On You”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- After a defeat for his party in Virginia, and with another potential loss still in the offing over in New Jersey, alleged Democratic Sen. Joe Manchin is still not committed to passing more of President Joe...

Oklahoma Man Extradited to Texas After Being Caught Spanking It in Dallas

GILEAD COUNTY, TEXAS -- Officials with the Texas State Sex Fluid and Biomatter Protection Agency are reporting this morning that they have 35-year-old Fred Franklin in custody. Franklin had been wanted in connection to an alleged attempted genocide of millions...

Cruz Reminds Constituents That The ‘Back Door Means No Babies and No Abortions’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The American right-wing, particularly those in Evangelical circles, have been pushing make abortion illegal for decades. Ever since the Supreme Court ruled in the early 1970's that before a fetus' medical viability a woman had a...

Autopsy Shows Babbitt Died of Fuckedaroundandfoundoutitis

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, the coroner in charge of overseeing hopeful domestic terrorist Ashli Babbitt's autopsy revealed new information and reported a new, updated cause of death. "After carefully looking back over the previous examinations, and conducting one more...

Local Moron Sees Inconvenience as Tyranny

LAKE SKIPPY, TENNESSEE -- Jack "Dipshit" McPhuckphace is known throughout his sleepy town as a moron. In fact, McPhuckphace is such a moron he's won a prize at the state fair each year for the last two decades for...

Trump’s CPAC 2021 Speech Was So Full of Shit, He Had to Write it in an Outhouse

This weekend, former, one-term, twice-permanently impeached President Donald J. Trump retreated to a place of familiar comfort, a safe space for his ego. In a meandering speech, Trump addressed the Conservative Political Action Committee -- CPAC -- once more....

Trump Mocks Biden for Not Being Invited to One of Putin’s ‘Yellow Parties’

This morning, President Joe Biden and Russian President Vladimir Putin held their first summit together since Biden defeated Putin's preferred candidate and was elected last November. It's unclear what the exact topics of conversation will be, but given the...

Reality Winner Released from Prison While Reality Denier Still Not President

In 2018, Reality Winner was sentenced to five years in prison for, as an NSA contractor, leaking information on Russian hacking attempts to the media. It was one of the most high-profile cases handled by the Department of Justice...

Pentagon: Aliens ‘Took One Look’ at Greene and Decided Humans Were Too Stupid to Contact

"They said that a planet full of horse-faced cave trolls isn't what they had in mind when they thought about making first contact with earth creatures." WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a truly stunning admission, the Pentagon announced today that not...

Fauci Suggests ‘Some Senators’ Wear a Mask to Hide from Punchy Neighbors

Giving an interview on CNN, Dr. Anthony Fauci suggested that even though the CDC has just issued new guidelines for vaccinated people regarding indoor masking, there are some Americans who may want to keep wearing a mask indefinitely. "If I...
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Mark Meadows Signals Intent to Plead the Filth Before January 6th Committee

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, through his attorney, has made the House Select Committee investigating the...
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