comedians

Man Dumbfounded That Clothes Left Next to Hamper Are Still Washed and Folded

COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO -- A Colorado man has reported miraculous laundry patterns in his home, which until recently remained largely unexplained. Despite the fact that he constantly drops his dirty clothes next to the hamper in his room, and...

Man Wishes His Imaginary Friends Would Just Get Along With His Made-Up Wife

ILLUSORY FIELDS, KENTUCKY -- A local man has "had it up to here" and says he's at his "wits end" with the fact that his made-up wife and his imaginary friends don't like each other, and can't seem to...

Treasury Department Announces Senior Jobs Program for Economic Recovery From Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. Treasury Department has started a new pilot jobs program geared toward seniors, and they're hoping it inspires "grandmas and grandpas to do the right thing" and "lay down their lives to keep the president's...

CDC Says Coronavirus Feeds Off Trump’s Ego

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Researchers at the Centers for Disease Control have announced what they think could be a breakthrough in the medical community's understanding of COVID-19, also known as the novel coronavirus. The CDC said that this new breakthrough...

Man Issues Formal Apology to Every Woman He Couldn’t Make Come

HIDDEN GORGE, CALIFORNIA -- This week, fifteen women throughout the country received the same letter from local resident Jerry Maloenelsexo, apologizing for his "inability" to bring them to a "full and satisfactory orgasmic climax" during a prior sexual encounter...

Local Cannibal Experiencing COVID-19 Panic

LAKE MANGEUR  D'HOMME, MINNESOTA -- Terry Homocomedenti wasn't really too nervous about the novel coronavirus pandemic up until about three or four days ago, he told us in a recent Skype interview. Terry is a 34 year old civil...

New Treasury Dept Report Estimates How Many Points Dow Goes Up For Every Grandparent’s Death

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This week Dan Patrick, the Lt. Governor of Texas, told Fox News White Supremacist Tucker Carlson that seniors in America might have to be willing to sacrifice their lives in order for their children and grandchildren...

Nickelback Fan Can’t Tell Who’s Socially Distancing Themselves From Him During Coronavirus Quarantine

COLD BEACH, WASHINGTON -- Pat Jackson is a huge fan of the band Nickelback. He owns at least four copies of each of their albums because he says each one is a "different animal" on various formats from vinyl,...
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Biden Tells MTG He’ll Shoot Down Chinese Balloon When She Finds China or Montana on a Map

President Joe Biden was asked today about whether or not he's heard the calls from House Republicans to direct...
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