comedian

Lying Fuck Reminds America The Constitution Says He’s Not Done Lying To Them Until January 21st, 2021

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Almost two weeks ago, an unctuous, fatuous, impetuous, deluded lying fuck ran for reelection to the highest, most powerful office in all of human history. He lost, rather decisively, as the ballots were fully counted, something...

RNC Quietly Removes “Supporting American Democracy” from Party Platform

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Republican National Committee has taken down the phrase "Supporting American Democracy" from their party's platform, published on their website. It's unclear when, exactly, the RNC decided to remove the phrase, but comparisons of the platform...

The Actual Jesus Christ Wrote This Letter to Kayleigh McEnany and Asked Us to Publish It For Him

The following was received by this outlet late last night. After contacting the offices of Holy Trinity, Inc. and confirming its provenance, we have decided to publish this letter, from the Actual Jesus, in its entirety. Dear Kayleigh McEnany, Hi! It's...

Palpatine Declares Himself Chancellor With Millions of Votes Left to Count From Outer Rim

CORUSCANT -- Naboo Senator Sheev Palpatine has declared himself the winner of the Republic's election, and says he is now the rightful Chancellor of the Senate. There's just one problem with that, though. There are still millions of votes...

Biden Supporters Surround Trump Bus and Tell It How to Get to Sesame Street

CHINGADAS, TEXAS -- A tense situation in Texas has resolved itself, and the occupants of a pro-Trump bus are now safely back on the road toward their ultimate destination. According to several witnesses on the scene, a busload of Trump...

Biden Plans to Deploy Official Democrat Antifa Squads In the Event of Post-Election Civil Unrest

SCHLANGE LAKE, FLORIDA -- Just after concluding a campaign stop in Florida this morning, Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden told reporters that if he wins the election next week, he'll ensure a "productive and peaceful transition of power" by...

Televangelist Publishes “MAGA-Friendly” Bible Just Three Pages Long

HOLY OAK, VIRGINIA -- Bill Millen, a self-described "televangelist for Trump," told his flock today that he has released a new, "MAGA-friendly" edition of the Holy Bible, and it's for sale on his church's website. A portion of the...

Merriam-Webster Redefines the Word “Cunty”

The fact of the matter is that English, like all language, is an artform and communication tool constantly in a state of evolution. Slang becomes accepted, common vernacular every year. Dictionaries are constantly being updated to ensure that words...

FBI Investigating Contents of Eric Trump’s See ‘n Say

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A truly stunning announcement was just made by the FBI at its headquarters in the nation's capital. "Just after lunch time, one of our agents discovered a Fisher Price See 'n Say toy -- you know, the...

Trump Demands Every Vote Cast For Him Is Counted ‘At Least Once’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- With just over a week to go until Election Day, President Donald Trump is demanding that state election boards ensure votes cast for him are counted "as many times as they need to be" once polls...
- Advertisement -spot_img

Latest News

DeSantis Offers $5,000 to Any Cop With COVID That Makes Out With Him

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- The Governor of Florida is bound and determined to get police officers unvaccinated against COVID-19 to...
- Advertisement -spot_img