Cocaine

Since the West Started Sanctioning Russia, Don Jr Hasn’t Been Able to Buy Nearly as Much Coke

https://youtu.be/KP2QoXv0Wu0 As Vladimir Putin's illegal, violent siege of Ukraine continues, the U.S. and its western allies have shown no lack of resolve to keep punishing his regime with stronger and stronger economic sanctions. Since Russian forces started their invasion about...

Cocaine to Officially Sponsor The Rest of RNC 2020

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The 2020 Republican National Convention kicked off last night and featured speeches from some of President Donald J. Trump's most loyal supporters. Two notable speeches were given by the president's son, Donald Jr, and his son's...

Former Papa John’s CEO Did 40 Days’ Worth of Coke in 30

GRAS RACISTE EN SUEUR RIVER VALLEY, KENTUCKY -- John Schnatter, founder and ousted CEO of pizza chain Papa John's, gave an interview to Bloated Asshole Monthly which was published this week. In it, Mr. Schnatter reveals that in the span of...

Restaurant Brands International Announces New “Retail Euthanasia” Venture

TORONTO, SOCIALIST HELL HOLE OF CANADA -- As Burger King takes less and less share of the Burger market every year, Restaurant Brands International (RBI) -- BK's parent company -- has decided to get into a new line of...

Man Starting To Regret All the Cocaine He Did Right Before Playing Jenga

VALLE QUE CHINGAS, CALIFORNIA -- Larry Herbishaw should probably have not done cocaine right before he agreed to play Jenga with his friend Peter. At least, perhaps he shouldn't have used quite so much cocaine, because Larry's hands are...

Nickelodeon Finally Reveals Secret Ingredient In Green Slime: Uncut Colombian Cocaine

LAKE BUENA VISTA, FLORIDA -- If you grew up in the 1980's or 1990's you may have watched the children television programming network known as Nickelodeon, and if you did you probably wondered what all went into their infamous...

Team Trump ‘Hard At Work’ On 3am, Rage-Filled Concession Tweetstorm

Trump plans to concede in the most Trump way possible.

Trump Admits Late Night, Angry Anti-Machado Tweets Came From ‘Some Guy On A Coke Bender’

Trump says it was someone else abusing Alicia Machado with his Twitter account.
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Punxsutawney Phil Tells Kari Lake She’ll Spend Four More Years Not Being Governor

This morning, Punxsutawney Phil, the seer of seers, prognosticator of prognosticators, awoke from his slumber, saw his shadow, and...
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