Chuck Schumer

Joe Manchin (D?-WV) Named Senate Majority Resistance Leader

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It hasn't happened in over two centuries, but the United States once more has a Senate Majority Resistance Leader. His name is Senator Joe Manchin, the alleged Democrat of West Virginia. The last time there was such...

Senate Minority Leader Joe Manchin Still Hopeful for Bipartisan Agreement With His Own Party

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Minority Leader Joe Manchin (D?-WV) has quite an unenviable job, and according to anonymous sources on his staff, he's keenly aware of the fact that he brought a lot of his stress on himself. In...

McConnell Blasts Dems for Wanting to Change the Filibuster ‘Like That A-Hole McConnell Changed the Filibuster’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- With control of the Senate resting a knife's edge of a margin, it's understandable, perhaps, that Democrats would be more keen to changing the filibuster rules. Senate Democrats have been openly talking about a reform to the...

McConnell Implores Schumer Not to Wield Power Unapologetically Like He Does

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For the last decade or so, Mitch McConnell ran the Senate. He did so with such a lust and zeal for partisan victories that he gained monikers like "Cocaine Mitch" and "That Evil, Deflated Hot Water...

Crate of New Pants Rushed to White House After Schumer Agrees to Call Hunter Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A crate full of brand new suit pants, sweatpants, and dungarees has been rush delivered to the White House this morning, after Sen. Chuck Schumer emailed Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and let him know the...

Trump Warns Dems He ‘Won’t Wait Two Full Years to Address the Next Made-Up National Emergency’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump signed a resolution to stave off another government shutdown over the money he demanded for his campaign promised border wall, and simultaneously announced he was declaring a national emergency in order...

Trump Offers Dems Border Wall Compromise of Giant Retractable Dome

WASHINGTON. D.C. -- With the government shut down for over two weeks, and House Democrats showing no sign of budging on his demands, President Trump shocked millions today when he announced that he'd be willing to drop his demand...

Trump Offers to Scratch Border Wall in Favor of Giant Retractable Dome

WASHINGTON. D.C. -- With the government shut down for over two weeks, and House Democrats showing no sign of budging on his demands, President Trump shocked millions today when he announced that he'd be willing to drop his demand...

Senate Democrats Promise To Have Spinal Placement Surgery Completed Before Midterms

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) told reporters today that the majority of his conference will be undergoing a special surgery procedure to have new, more robust spinal columns added to their gelatinous, reptilian forms. "It's true,...
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Trump Pleaded the Fifth When Asked By NY AG If He Was Ivanka’s Lover, Father, or Employer

Recently, it was revealed that when he was deposed by the New York Attorney General in a case involving...
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