Christmas

Jesus Christ Doesn’t ‘Have Any Fucks to Give’ About the Fox News Christmas Tree

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This week, Conservative America has been highly focused on what is being described in certain circles as the most egregious attacks in the left's long-running war on Christmas in quite some time, if not...

Biden Signs Presidential Declaration Stating “All Holidays Matter”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In an official signing ceremony held in the Oval Office, President Joe Biden declared that for the next 365 days, "all holidays matter." "Look here bub, I'm under direct orders by Lord Soros himself to attack Christmas...

Republican State Rep. Wants to ‘Defend Christmas’ by Outlawing ‘All Pagan Rituals and Holidays’

CORNHOLE, TEXAS -- State Rep. Tom Thompaulsen (R-TX) filed paperwork in Texas this week, aiming to "outlaw any and all pagan rituals and holidays." Thompaulsen's intent, he told Steve Bannon during a taping of Bannon's podcast, was to "protect and...

When Will Biden Officially Cancel Christmas This Year?

Everyone knows it's coming. The former president warned us -- only he could protect the most important day in the history of humanity from the savage attacks of liberals as they wage their very real War on Christmas. Yet, despite his...

Mike Lindell: Trump Will Be Back in Power and ‘Make Jesus White Again’ by Christmas

Mike Lindell, CEO of MyPillow and its subsidiary, MyCrackPipe, can be accused of a whole host of things, but one thing no one can reasonably accuse him of is disloyalty to former President Don J. Trump. Despite being sued...

Santa Claus Says Americans Already Got This Year’s ‘Big Gift’ on November 3rd

THE NORTH POLE -- In just 20 days, Kris Kringle, otherwise known as "Santa Claus," will make his annual trip around the world, delivering toys to all the good boys and girls. At a press conference from the North...

Horny Jesus Reminds You He’s Also the Reason for the Squeezin’

SEXXXY HEAVEN -- Horny Jesus Christ, the super-sexed-up version of the character from the bestselling fantasy fiction series "The Whore-y Bible," which is an edition of the Bible that features sexualized stories from the scripture, told the world today...

In 5-4 Decision, Supreme Court Says Jesus Is the Reason for the Season

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. Supreme Court ruled last week, in a narrow, 5-4 decision that New York could not prohibit large religious gatherings in an attempt to fight the novel coronavirus. Pushing the court to its decision was the...

Eric and Don Jr Ask Santa for a PS5 and a New Election

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The outgoing president's sons have sent urgent letters to, as one of them put it, "the most powerful man not named Vladimir Putin I know," begging him to give them a new presidential election...

Trump Orders Additional “K” Added To Hanukkah to “Make Jew Christmas Great Again”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, in an Oval Office signing ceremony attended by American Christian luminaries like David Duke and the Westboro Baptist Church, President Donald Trump ordered the word Hanukkah to be given one more additional "K." According to sources...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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