Christianity

The Actual Jesus Christ Wrote This Letter to Kayleigh McEnany and Asked Us to Publish It For Him

The following was received by this outlet late last night. After contacting the offices of Holy Trinity, Inc. and confirming its provenance, we have decided to publish this letter, from the Actual Jesus, in its entirety. Dear Kayleigh McEnany, Hi! It's...

Pat Robertson: “You Will Go To Hell for Loving Baby Yoda and Baby Jesus”

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson has a stern warning for Christians who also consider themselves fans of the Star Wars franchise not to invest themselves too heavily in the sci-fi space opera. Robertson specifically was concerned about a new...

Jesus: “It’s Cute When Christians Think Bernie’s Too Socialist”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This morning during a heavenly press conference, Jesus Hubert "Son of God" Christ says his cell phone has been "blowing up" lately with requests from several media outlets to comment on the American presidential...

Pat Robertson Reminds Christians They’ll Go To Hell for Loving Baby Yoda and Baby Jesus

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson has a stern warning for Christians who also consider themselves fans of the Star Wars franchise not to invest themselves too heavily in the sci-fi space opera. Robertson specifically was concerned about a new...

Jesus Christ Reminds Americans Thoughts and Prayers Aren’t Made of Kevlar

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This morning, the Executive Vice-President of Holy Trinity Inc. held a press conference and addressedm among other things, mass shootings in the United States. There have been more mass shootings than days thus far...

New Policy Dictates Babylon Bee Staff Crucify Themselves Daily in Front of Snopes Headquarters

The editors of The Babylon Bee -- a Christian Dominionist publication that uses alleged humor and satire to deliver their content -- have begun an all-out war with venerable fact-checking website Snopes.  In the Internet Age, while many satirical outlets have been fact...

Fully Aroused Mike Pence Just Staring at Maps of Alabama, Georgia, Ohio, and Missouri

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Vice President Mike Pence has spent the last 36 solid hours just staring at maps of four states -- Alabama, Georgia, Ohio, and Missouri. According to several sources close to the situation, Pence is in a...

27 People Missing & Presumed Dead in Flat Earth Expedition

Ushuaia, Argentina -- 24 flat earth researchers and 3 crew members have been out of radio contact since late last week and are presumed to be dead, Not Really News has learned. The team, which was composed of amateur scientists...

Study Confirms Mike Pence Thinks About LGTBQ Stuff More Than People Participating In LGTBQ Stuff

BONTÉ FALLS, WEST VIRGINIA -- Researchers in West Virginia recently published the results of a study they conducted which they say proves Vice President Mike Pence "thinks about butt sex more than people having butt sex think about butt sex." Dr....

Kirk Cameron Renounces Faith; Ready To ‘Start Picking Up All That Sweet Growing Pains P**n.’

In the 1980s, Kirk Cameron was one of the hottest young stars in Hollywood. Cameron began starring on a network sitcom called "Growing Pains" in 1985 and almost overnight was turned into a teenage heartthrob. Kirk was peers at the...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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