The Actual Jesus Christ Wrote This Letter to Kayleigh McEnany and Asked Us to Publish It For Him

The following was received by this outlet late last night. After contacting the offices of Holy Trinity, Inc. and confirming its provenance, we have decided to publish this letter, from the Actual Jesus, in its entirety. Dear Kayleigh McEnany, Hi! It's...

Pat Robertson: “You Will Go To Hell for Loving Baby Yoda and Baby Jesus”

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson has a stern warning for Christians who also consider themselves fans of the Star Wars franchise not to invest themselves too heavily in the sci-fi space opera. Robertson specifically was concerned about a new...

God to Americans: “Your Kids Are Making It Here Faster Than Your Thoughts And Prayers”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This morning, Larry "God" Schumway held a press conference in front of the Pearly Gates, and when asked by heavenly reporters, he spoke briefly about the epidemic of school shootings in the United States. Schumway...

God Wonders How Joel Osteen Failed At Flood Response Because He’s a Christian

Televangelist Joel Osteen kept his megachurch shut to victims of Hurricane Harvey for a short time, and that made God pretty mad.

Preacher Who Prayed With Trump Wakes Up With Third Degree Hand Burns

Reverend Malloy recently "laid hands" on President Trump, and has burns on his hands to prove it.

California Democrats Mull Law Allowing Texas Christians to Be Denied Adoptions

In response to an anti-LGBT adoption law being pushed through the Texas legislature, California Democrats propose their own adoption bill.

Asked About Trump’s “Religious Freedom” Order, Jesus Christ Does the Jack-Off Gesture

Don't ask Jesus Christ about the religious freedom order Donald Trump just signed. Not unless you want a sarcastic reply.

God Tells Michele Bachmann If The Anti-Christ Were Real He’d Be The ‘Narcissist You Voted For’

Former congresswoman Michele Bachmann and Larry "God" Schumway have very different opinions on what true Christianity looks like.

God: Americans Who Support Taking 24 Million Poor People’s Health Coverage Away ‘Not Eligible’ For Christianity

God and his son Jesus "Hubert" are none too pleased with Americans calling themselves "Christian" and then taking things from the sick and poor.

God, Jesus Comment On Trump’s Budget: ‘Fuck That Un-Christian Pile Of Fucking Shit’

God and Jesus just got a look at the details behind Donald Trump's budget. They have some strongly stated opinions and concerns.
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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