Report: They’re Still Fighting Over the Fucking PS4 Controllers

LOS CHICOS LUCHANDO, ARIZONA -- There are more than one PS4 controller in their house, but each of the brothers at the center of a fiery argument that threatens to envelop the entire family want to use the same...

Parenting Study: Kids Will Probably Be A-Holes Regardless of What You Do

A new study published in the  North American Pediatric Psychology Review seems to indicate something new and perhaps startling for some parents: it's impossible to keep your kids from becoming assholes. "And there's even a better than even chance they'll...

White House: Melania’s Jacket Was ‘Just Issuing Orders’

  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, the White House once again waded into the controversy over a jacket that First Lady Melania Trump wore while visiting detained, undocumented migrant children in Texas this week. The jacket, green and long, was adorned...

Historians Find Hitler’s Receipt From Post-Kristallnacht Brunch At Carnegie Deli

BERLIN, GERMANY -- Historians from the Institute of German History and All Things German-Ish have announced a new discovery they say may shed some important light on events of the day. Historians have uncovered a receipt from a brunch shared...

6 Year Old Honduran Boy Sends Father’s Day Card To Border Where He Last Saw His Parents

LOS CHINGADEROS, TEXAS -- Two weeks ago, Miguel Olivo crossed into the United States with his mother and father, when all three were picked up ICE agents at the border and separated from one another. Miguel hasn't seen his parents...

Paul Ryan Celebrates Obamacare Repeal By Ripping Chemotherapy IV Out of Pediatric Cancer Patients’ Arms

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R) visited a hospital on Thursday to celebrate a legislative victory in a very peculiar way.

Trump Orders DeVos to Hire Breitbart and InfoWars to Revise History Textbooks

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has announced a new textbook partnership between her department and two right-wing media outlets.

Trump to Offer Sarah Palin Secretary of ‘Educationizing’ Cabinet Position

Donald Trump may just have a special place in his administration for a certain half-term Alaskan governor.

Man With Extensive Hat Collection Who Chose Life Without Kids Shames Others for Not Having Kids

Pope Frank says not having kids is a selfish choice. He'd know. He has no kids.
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Biden Tells MTG He’ll Shoot Down Chinese Balloon When She Finds China or Montana on a Map

President Joe Biden was asked today about whether or not he's heard the calls from House Republicans to direct...
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