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Centers for Disease Control

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...
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She Just Got Her GED, But She Knows Fauci Doesn’t Know What He’s Talking About

"I wear this 45 hat everywhere I go for two reasons -- loyalty to Trump and to remind people that your IQ doesn't define how intelligent you am." - Rep. Lauren Boebert (Q-CO)

CDC Warns Libertarians: There Is No Nerd Immunity from COVID-19

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The Centers for Disease Control has issued an urgent warning to...

CDC Says to Stop Licking Surfaces Clean Like Cats

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Doctors at the Centers for Disease Control are strongly urging everyone...

CDC Suggests ‘Electoral Distancing’ From Trump Administration

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Over the past week and a half, Americans were introduced to...

CDC Reminder: Also Sanitize Your Butt Plugs When There’s No Pandemic

ATLANTA, GEORGIA --Authorities at the Centers for Disease Control have issued a new statement...

CDC Wants Trump Supporters to Stop Sharing Hoods

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In what has been one of the busiest and most critical...

CDC Suggests Couples Start Using “Just the Tip”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In order to help minimize the spread of the novel coronavirus,...

CDC Recommends Washing Hands For At Least As Long As It Takes For You To Masturbate

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Centers for Disease Control have issued a fresh new set...

CDC Recommends Americans Quarantine Themselves From President Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. --  The Centers for Disease Control issued new guidance this morning, urging...

CDC Issues Guidelines for Safe Handjobs During Coronavirus Outbreak

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Centers for Disease Control issued a new set of guidelines...

CDC Adds “Giant Orange Douchebag,” “GFY,” and “No” To Their Official Lexicon

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This weekend, word broke that the Health and Human Services department...

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The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...

The Easter Bunny Plans to Give Plan-B and Contraceptives to Red State Teenagers

"Did you know there have already been thousands of rape pregnancies as a result...