Cancun

Cold Texas Temperatures Signal It’s Time for Dodos to Fly South to Cancun

https://youtu.be/0EMaY4zQXEc As it gets colder in the Lone Star State, its dodo population starts to migrate south to Cancun. It's a phenomenon that has only very recently been noticed by zoologists. We recently spoke to one of the country's leading biologists...

Cruz Suggests Haitian Refugees at Border Should ‘Check Out Cancun Instead’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A recent surge in Haitian refugees on the U.S. border with Mexico has elicited sharp, persistent criticism from elected Republicans, and this morning Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Texas) once again dipped his cloven hoofed toe into that...

Poll: 90% of Americans Support Inventing Time Travel to Convince Ted Cruz’s Mom to Be Pro-Choice

"In this country, you can't get this kind of agreement on the wetness of water."

Surgeon General Recommends Shitting on Ted Cruz Twice Daily

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The acting Surgeon General of the United States has issued a new set of guidelines for the continued health and well-being of the American people. While most of Rear Admiral Susan Orsega's health guidelines won't come...

United Airlines Ending Its Frequent Fuckface Miles Program

United Airlines has announced that after careful consideration of the events of the past 48 hours they will be ending their Frequent Fuckface Miles program, effective immediately. The Frequent Fuckface Miles rewards system is a favorite among misanthropic politicians...

Mexico Offers to Pay to Send Ted Cruz Back to Canada

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- While residents of his home state of Texas struggle to keep warm among a crisis of energy production and climate change, Senator Ted Cruz (Q-TX) took himself and his family out of the United States,...
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Biden Tells MTG He’ll Shoot Down Chinese Balloon When She Finds China or Montana on a Map

President Joe Biden was asked today about whether or not he's heard the calls from House Republicans to direct...
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