BrettKavanaugh

Ben Shapiro Just Really Wants to See Justice Kavanaugh’s Dick, Okay?

Dear Brett Kavanaugh, Ben Shapiro just wants to see your dick, okay? For the good of the country, sure, but really for the good of Ben's own shaky nerves. You see, Mr. Ben doesn't think it's possible that you could...

White House: Kavanaugh Confirmation ‘100 Percent’ Tells Sexual Assault Victims They’re Less Important Than Trump Agenda

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Junior Deputy Press Secretary Tom Thompaulsen admitted to reporters this week, in an effort to defend the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation debacle that embroiled President Trump's Supreme Court Nominee in credible allegations of multiple acts of sexual...

Rapist Worried No One Will Believe He’s Raped If He Can’t Remember Exact, Specific Details About Prior Rapes

LAGO DE DOUCHE, ARIZONA -- 36 year old Jack Johnathan Jackson is an admitted, repeated sexual offender. Over the years, Mr. Jackson estimates he has assaulted, and indeed raped, "scores upon scores" of women all over the southwest region. While...

Hungover Kavanaugh Asks If Oath Still Counts If He Was Blacked Out While Taking It

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A bleary-eyed, disheveled looking Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh was seen entering the national archives this morning, a look of concern in his eyes. Sources close to the situation say the newest member of the country's...

Lindsey Graham ‘Warming Up’ To Taste Of Trump’s Rectum

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Throughout the 2016 presidential election season, Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) was one of the loudest, most outspoken critics of then-candidate Donald Trump. However, since Trump's inauguration, many people around the capital -- and indeed the nation...
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Punxsutawney Phil Tells Kari Lake She’ll Spend Four More Years Not Being Governor

This morning, Punxsutawney Phil, the seer of seers, prognosticator of prognosticators, awoke from his slumber, saw his shadow, and...
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