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Rittenhouse Judge Asks Jury to End Deliberations So He and Kyle Can Attend Proud Boy Meeting

KENOSHA, WISCONSIN -- Judge Bruce Schroeder and accused vigilante double-murderer Kyle Rittenhouse have a Proud Boy meeting to attend tonight, and so the jury needs to "wrap it up quick-like," Schroeder told them today. Jurors have been deliberating since yesterday...

Patriotic American Rooting For Socialist Countries to Beat U.S. Women’s Soccer Team

WHISTLING DICK LAKE, FLORIDA -- 34-year-old Marcus Palumbo is a self-described "über patriot," and often tells his friends he "bleeds red, white, and blue." The Olympics are a special time for Palumbo, because he loves America so much, and...

Report: Candace Owens is Really Tomi Lahren in Blackface

In hindsight, sources close to the situation told us, it was bound to happen sooner later that the cat would get out of the bag, so to speak. Nevertheless, the fallout from the development could echo and reverberate throughout...

Ron Johnson: “I Shouldn’t Have to Take My Hood and Robes Off to Prove I’m not Racist!”

"What makes me racist is my racist views of non-white people! But I didn't even say any of that stuff on the radio last week!"

Tomi Lahren Is Publishing a List of Acceptable Ways for Black People to Protest Being Murdered

BROKE WIND MOUNTAIN, CALIFORNIA -- From a secluded cabin in the mountains of Southern California, right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News contributing racist Tammy Lahren has been working diligently and with very little rest on a new list of...

Adorable! This Cop Just Tear-Gassed The Protesters He Knelt With Less Than 12 Hours Ago!

This is one of the cutest things you'll ever see, and we're not even going to ask you to thank us when you're doing reading it, that's how great we are as human beings! Anyway, apparently there's been, like, all...

Tucker Carlson Adds Two Ks to First Name

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Fox News host Tucker Carlson is no stranger to controversy, to put it lightly. His show isn't even new to advertiser boycotts. However, in the wake of the frozen food heir's recent commentary on...

Trump Orders Dave Chappelle Arrested for Slaying Candace Owens

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump told reporters this morning that he has directed Attorney General William Barr to file criminal charges against comedy icon Dave Chappelle. Trump is accusing the comedian of "slaying, murdering, and leaving for dead"...

Basic White Woman Who’s Never Interacted With Cops Against Defunding Them

LAS ESTUPIDAS BLANCAS, CALIFORNIA -- 38 year old cosmetics consultant Christiana Vacaciones says she has "many black friends" and that none of them have ever told her to her face that her beliefs about Black Lives Matters, and policing...

Cop Would Rather Resign and Only Beat His Wife If He Can’t Have a Tank and Machine Gun At Work

KEITEL, MINNESOTA -- Lt. Chad Jughedd is "about as pissed off" as he's ever been, he told us during a Skype interview this weekend. Lt. Jughedd has been on the police force of his local Minnesota town for the...
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Trump Pleaded the Fifth When Asked By NY AG If He Was Ivanka’s Lover, Father, or Employer

Recently, it was revealed that when he was deposed by the New York Attorney General in a case involving...
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