Patriotic American Rooting For Socialist Countries to Beat U.S. Women’s Soccer Team

WHISTLING DICK LAKE, FLORIDA -- 34-year-old Marcus Palumbo is a self-described "├╝ber patriot," and often tells his friends he "bleeds red, white, and blue." The Olympics are a special time for Palumbo, because he loves America so much, and...

Tomi Lahren Is Publishing a List of Acceptable Ways for Black People to Protest Being Murdered

BROKE WIND MOUNTAIN, CALIFORNIA -- From a secluded cabin in the mountains of Southern California, right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News contributing racist Tammy Lahren has been working diligently and with very little rest on a new list of...

Tucker Carlson Adds Two Ks to First Name

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Fox News host Tucker Carlson is no stranger to controversy, to put it lightly. His show isn't even new to advertiser boycotts. However, in the wake of the frozen food heir's recent commentary on...

Rand Paul Wonders If Black Lives Really Matter

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- There is only one, single member of the Senate Republican caucus that is standing in the way of the federal government finally passing anti-lynching legislation. That man, Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky, has tried to explain...

Tubetop Lahren Sees White Athlete Kneel During National Anthem, Head Literally Explodes

"Don't they understand it's only going to encourage these uppity urbans to do this more?"

Trump Suggests Black Athletes’ Constitutional Rights Be Reduced By 2/5

"I'm not saying all urbans. I'm saying SOME urbans."

Toni Lahren Hard at Work on List of Acceptable Ways for Black People to Protest Abuse

Fox News vapid blonde fuckmuppet contributor Tummy Lahren doesn't like it when people of color have opinions that aren't her opinions.

Tambourine Lahren Triggered by Random Black Man Praying

Only Telephone Lahren truly has an idea of how dangerous a kneeling black man is to the United States, and she's not afraid to speak out.

Alabama Police Union Suggests Cutting Judges, Juries, Executioners From Budget

"Cops are showing they could be quite good at being judges, juries, and even executioners."
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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