Black Lives Matter

Patriotic American Rooting For Socialist Countries to Beat U.S. Women’s Soccer Team

WHISTLING DICK LAKE, FLORIDA -- 34-year-old Marcus Palumbo is a self-described "├╝ber patriot," and often tells his friends he "bleeds red, white, and blue." The Olympics are a special time for Palumbo, because he loves America so much, and...

Louisville DA: “Black Lives Matter, But Drywall Matters Enough to Charge Someone”

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY -- A night of civil unrest in Louisville unfolded yesterday after it was announced that no formal charges would be brought against any of the officers involved in the tragic shooting death of Breonna Taylor. Justice advocates...

Tomi Lahren Is Publishing a List of Acceptable Ways for Black People to Protest Being Murdered

BROKE WIND MOUNTAIN, CALIFORNIA -- From a secluded cabin in the mountains of Southern California, right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News contributing racist Tammy Lahren has been working diligently and with very little rest on a new list of...

Tucker Carlson Adds Two Ks to First Name

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Fox News host Tucker Carlson is no stranger to controversy, to put it lightly. His show isn't even new to advertiser boycotts. However, in the wake of the frozen food heir's recent commentary on...

Trump to Rename Military Bases After Hitler, Mussolini, and Hirohito

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Protests over the killing of George Floyd, an unarmed black suspect who died while a Minneapolis police officer knelt on his neck for more than eight minutes, have once more pushed the United States into an...

Rand Paul Wonders If Black Lives Really Matter

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- There is only one, single member of the Senate Republican caucus that is standing in the way of the federal government finally passing anti-lynching legislation. That man, Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky, has tried to explain...

Tilapia Lahren Wants NASA To Rename Black Holes Because ‘All Holes Matter’

"We all know that black holes are no different than the KKK."

Tubetop Lahren Sees White Athlete Kneel During National Anthem, Head Literally Explodes

"Don't they understand it's only going to encourage these uppity urbans to do this more?"

Trump Suggests Black Athletes’ Constitutional Rights Be Reduced By 2/5

"I'm not saying all urbans. I'm saying SOME urbans."
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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