ACAB

Have You Seen Any Job Openings Where I Can Kill People While Unvaccinated?

The following editorial was submitted to this publication by Officer Darrel Dicchest, who just last week announced that he would be retiring from the police force after being a cop on the beat for 22 years. Officer Dicchest's editorial...

Chauvin’s Attorney: “How Was My Client to Know George Floyd Didn’t Have Lungs In His Feet?”

MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA -- An attorney for accused murderer and former officer Derek Chauvin asked a question of a witness today that, perhaps, nobody had thought to ask before. Chauvin stands accused in the killing of George Floyd, who was alleged...

Kenosha PD Says They Couldn’t ‘Do Anything’ With Rittenhouse Until He Turned His Back and/or Changed His Skin Tone

KENOSHA, WISCONSIN -- At this time, there are many questions still surrounding the case of Kyle Rittenhouse, the 17-year old white nationalist who killed two and gravely wounded another with an AR-15 rifle this week. Rittenhouse, who is not...

If He Can’t Murder Whoever He Wants, Whenever He Wants, You’re On Your Own, Rape Victims

He's a hero. Everyone he ever meets tells him he's a hero. So why would Lt. Frank Biedemup think he's anything except a hero? And, as a hero, Lt. Biedemup thinks, no he believes, that he has the right to kill with impunity....

Adorable! This Cop Just Tear-Gassed The Protesters He Knelt With Less Than 12 Hours Ago!

This is one of the cutest things you'll ever see, and we're not even going to ask you to thank us when you're doing reading it, that's how great we are as human beings! Anyway, apparently there's been, like, all...

Basic White Woman Who’s Never Interacted With Cops Against Defunding Them

LAS ESTUPIDAS BLANCAS, CALIFORNIA -- 38 year old cosmetics consultant Christiana Vacaciones says she has "many black friends" and that none of them have ever told her to her face that her beliefs about Black Lives Matters, and policing...

Cop Would Rather Resign and Only Beat His Wife If He Can’t Have a Tank and Machine Gun At Work

KEITEL, MINNESOTA -- Lt. Chad Jughedd is "about as pissed off" as he's ever been, he told us during a Skype interview this weekend. Lt. Jughedd has been on the police force of his local Minnesota town for the...

Trump Threatens to Throw His Bone Spurs at Mattis

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's a feud perhaps no one on the Hill thought would ever go public, because one of the combatants is notoriously tight-lipped. However, there's no mistaking that there's quite a row brewing between former Secretary of...

Local Cop Will Stop Beating the Fuck Out of You As Soon as You Stop Resisting the Beating

St. EMMETTILL, ILLINOIS -- This hero with a badge will stop beating the living shit out of you as soon as you just let him beat the shit out of you. Lt. Rick Richardson has been a local cop on...
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I Live in Arkansas. Can My 10 Year Old Work as a Bouncer at a Drag Bar?

I moved to Arkansas before I was a father, so I can't say that I'd even be thinking about...
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