WASHINGTON, D.C. — White House senior policy adviser Stephen Miller recently had the scare of his mortal and immortal life.
While walking by a big mirror in the White House foyer, Miller stopped as he always has since starting his position with the Trump administration in January. What he saw “shocked and frightened” Miller.
“Master Bannon, come quick,” aides say Miller summoned President Steve Bannon in the usual way. A loud, bursting crack of thunder was heard. Black, sulfurous, bourbon-infused smoke rose up from the ground. The discordant harps of Hell were heard strumming their baleful tune as Bannon materialized behind Miller.
“Yes, what is it,” President Bannon asked his charge.
Miller pointed at the mirror incredulously.
“My reflection,” Miller said.
Bannon looked at the mirror. He saw Miller’s reflection. He nodded.
“And,” Bannon asked.
“Well, I can see it for once,” Miller said, adding, “I’m not really used to it after all this time. Not since my transcendence and entering into the solemn pact have I seen my reflection in a mirror. You told me I’d never see my own visage again, my Lord!”
Bannon laughed. As he did so, black crows swooped onto the lawn of the White House dozen by dozen. As Bannon’s laughter rose in volume, it dropped in pitch and the earth started moving beneath them. Miller was confused, perhaps even more scared now than he was before.
“Master? Why are you laughing at my confusion,” Miller asked.
“Because, that’s a special mirror I had installed,” Bannon said, “so that when the lying press — the lügenpresse — comes to the White House for photo ops, they aren’t put off by none of us showing up in any of our mirrors.”
Miller breathed a heavy sigh of relief. He’d heard that such devices existed, but never had he seen one put to use before. This level of cunning and genius clearly was why that orange simpleton had bought into everything the Dark Lord told him, Miller could see it now.
“Thank you, Master,” Miller said, “I was very worried. You have put my mind at ease. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go harvest the souls of poor children and see how we’re doing on the construction of the Death Star. Toodles!”
Bannon and Miller high-fived and French kissed, the secret sign of “hello and goodbye” that their cult uses to identify each other with.
Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.