Stephen Miller Encourages Trump Supporters to Boycott ‘Reverse Racist’ Black Friday

This week, millions of Americans will celebrate Thanksgiving. Some will embrace a traditional, more whitewashed version of the very first Thanksgiving, and others will keep the holiday while remembering that natives and pilgrims didn’t share a turkey and cranberry sauce in the 17th century.

Once all the food has been eaten, and the dishes cleaned, thousands of Americans will pile in their cars and head for retail shopping centers. The day after Thanksgiving, known as “Black Friday,” has become a vital part of the holiday shopping season. However, former White House adviser Stephen Miller will not be among the throng of Americans packing into malls and retailers, trying to score a hot deal for Christmas.

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“I just think the very notion of Black Friday is dangerous. An entire day devoted to, what, exactly? I’m guessing black people and Friday? Rude. Pure rudeness, Laura, and in fact I’d go so far as to say it’s extremely reverse racist against white people,” Miller told Laura Ingraham on her show last Friday night.

Miller is therefore urging Trump supporters to “vote with their wallets” and boycott Black Friday.

“I wouldn’t call it cancel culture, but we want to cancel the culture of Black Friday, that’s for sure,” Miller said. “So you’ll pay may for the ‘Let’s Go Brandon’ shirt you wanted to get your cousin-lover for Christmas, so what? Isn’t that better than giving over to the woke agenda, patriots?”

Mr. Miller told Frau Ingraham that he is willing to call off his boycott. However, everyone would have to agree to a name change.

“It’s pretty simple, Laura. We need a name that doesn’t make white people feel icky, or less than fully appreciated for being white,” Miller explained. “So, I’m thinking something like ‘All Fridays Matter Day’ or something like that. That seems like a very fair compromise to me.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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