Stefanik Promises to ‘Unite The GOP’ Behind Trump’s Claims of Stolen Elections and Injectable Bleach

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Some day very soon, Rep. Elise Stefanik (Q-NY) could be the third-most powerful Republican in the House of Representatives.

House GOP leadership roles are in flux, as many in the conference have increasingly turned on Rep. Liz Cheney of Wyoming. Cheney, who is the current conference chair and stands to be replaced by Stefanik, is in hot water within her party’s leadership for failing to recognize former President Donald J. Trump as supreme dictatorial leader. Cheney instead has continued to push to hold Trump accountable for inspiring and urging an act of domestic terror against the government on January 6th, 2021.


This weekend, former President Trump endorsed the campaign to put Stefanik in Cheney’s seat, and House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) told Fox News he also backed the plan to supplant Cheney. On Newsmax TV later in the day, Stefanik was asked about her potential new role within the party, and while she stopped short of calling it a done deal, she indicated what kind of leader she expects to be.

“The focus for us all in the Q-publican Party of Trump needs to be uniting. We have to be united,” Stefanik said. “Only through unity can we take back the House and Senate and ultimately put Donald Trump back on the throne. So I would make it a priority to unite the GOP behind all of our dear president’s whims, fantasies, and delusions.”

In particular, Stefanik said it will be “absolutely vital” to the survival of the GOP for them to embrace Trump’s claims that the 2020 election was stolen from him. Despite never presenting any evidence of widespread fraud in the more than five dozen separate lawsuits brought to challenge the election, Trump and many in his party have maintained an iron grip on the theory that he was somehow cheated out of victory. Stefanik also said Trump’s assertion that bleach could be injected to kill COVID-19 infections should also be a “rallying cry for true patriots.”

“Donald Trump showed us the way. Don’t educate the ignorant. Foster their ignorance,” Stefanik explained. “If they want to believe, like he does, that we can shoot up Clorox to save ourselves from COVID, then who are we to convince them otherwise? Freedom and liberty mean having the liberty to be stupid and the freedom to do it whenever you want.”

Former President Trump reportedly sent Stefanik a Milk Bone treat to thank her for her loyalty and praise her for performing her trick perfectly.


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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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